Thanks, my friend! (August 8)

There's actually a reason why none of my friends were duly thanked during the month of July. I was a bit preoccupied with a little writing project called Camp NaNoWriMo, which patterns itself after National Novel Writing Month in November each year. Writers usually either love it or hate it. I'm in the latter group but was encouraged to take part by some other online writers with whom I associate online.
A few of them went pretty gung ho with their effort, too, writing 50,000 plus words during those 31 harried days. I was happy with meeting my goal of 30,000 and was able to reach it, in part, with the encouragement and support of someone I know from an online community of writers called Studio 30 Plus.
Marie is a friend of mine who really kicked ass at Camp. She not only met her lofty daily writing goal but managed to still promote the Studio through online marketing AND job hunt while enjoying her regular dreamy lifestyle. It takes place afloat in the Gulf of Mexico on either her boat or paddle board when she's not otherwise travelling the States as a race car mechanic. Not too shabby, eh?
I didn't steal her picture to use here without asking but took the liberty to nab a shot of her artwork (hope she doesn't mind). The piece puts one of many amazing talents into corporeal form, and it IS shark week after all. She is a creative force, and I can't wait to read her novel currently in the editing stage.
Although we haven't met in person, I feel I have a good essence of this woman without ever shaking her hand or giving her a hug. I don't know if Marie IS a hugger, but her spirit reaches through the computer screen and grabs you. She always encourages other writers and gives me positive feedback. Her timing is great, too, especially when it seems only she and my friend, Lanea, (who originally inspired this "thanks, my friend" meme) care to read anything I write.
Constructive criticism comes easier from like-minded people, so I appreciate communing with Marie as we pour out our minds onto paper (or screens, as the case may be). I hope to maybe watch her either derby or replace an engine one day, but for now want to say 'thanks, my friend!"

Thanks, my friend! (June 6)

If I were to make a list of memories, a litany of notable events of fun times shared together, with my friend Kim I'd be at it for quite a while. There'd be an empty tissue box beside me when I finished, too, from all the tears shed in laughter and reminiscence. Most all of them involved some craziness worthy of the motto Kimberley created, "Be there or be talked about."
Being there meant fun, especially the look-back-at-crack-up-about-it-later kind of fun. Not all in retrospect either, because we laughed our asses off at the time, too. First, though, I must give credit where it's due. Kim provided me many saving graces during my five years of living in Kansas City, and I don't know what I'd have done without her. She made me so many meals (not only, but very notably, special ones on St. Pat's and New Year's Day), and threw me a party for college graduation. Finishing undergrad was the main reason for moving there, but Kim's house was my home away from home while I was alone and single in the city. She even helped me shoot my first video. Whether or not I left on the lens cap is irrelevant.
Kim and her husband, Gary, opened their doors to me when I had no other family near. I can't count the number of cocktail hours she and I spent on her screened porch and patio or tabulate the neighbors bothered by our nonsensical singing and dancing. Dickie howled in unison as we celebrated life, and little Molly joined us in the later years. Thank the universe we made it home unscathed after many a night out, too, including the most memorable one when a car came through the wall at Mike's Tavern and almost shoved Kim and the table into my lap. She was unflappable, ordering another beer before we were (all) asked to leave when the dust literally settled.
I like to call those my "formative years," my coming of age, that helped me become the person I am today.  They weren't all easy, but my adventures with Kim were a highlight. She helped me assimilate to keeping myself safe in a sometimes unsafe environment where I could no longer take everyone at face value as I had up to that point in my life. Along the way, we watched out for each other and managed to stay out of real trouble. She helped me become a strong and independent woman.
Going to music festivals is one of my very favorite memories -- not just of life in KC but life in general. That's not to mention the time spent at Kim's previous apartment in Sedalia or all the insanity at Karen's lake place. If those cottage walls could talk.

I know several women named Kim, so I fondly refer to Kimberley as Wine-in-a-box Kim. We kept it classy with Franzia. All jokes aside, I treasure the good times we had and hope our lives catch up to make more memories in the future. Thinking back and looking forward -- thanks, my friend!

Thanks, my friend! (May 30)

This post has been a long time coming. The enormity of a relationship in its length and scale is sometimes hard to summarize, as is the case with my friend Lori. I will have to suffice to say we've know each other too long to encapsulate it all here, but it all began at 10 years old. That seems like forever ago.
We've always had the kind of kinship where we know how to slide back into each other's acquaintance no matter how long an absence has been. Our lives are much different now, and those changes have us in own new places, but I still feel close to Lori. 

No one else probably knows as much about my family stuff, and maybe vice versa for her. Down the line we've eaten whole frozen chocolate pies together, gotten in trouble with our dads (like that was hard), been young and dumb enough to appropriate porn, learned the words to entire albums, drove every inch of Marshall in the biggest Lincoln on the planet, skirted around the whims of the most OCD person there ever was, and gotten/given a lifetime of free haircuts. The deal was that I'd take her along as my personal stylist when I became a famous producer, and I'm so sorry that will never happen now. lol

This history goes from the early years of finding ourselves to having families of our own.  Lori is a loving mom whose children (and spouse) are very lucky to have her.  It's been great being along on that ride with her, too.  Being a part of Lori's life meant I gained a surrogate family, too, whose love has been so appreciated in mine.

It's too bad the miles keep us apart now.  After all this time, though, I still feel like I can walk into Lori's kitchen anytime and open the fridge for tea without us missing a beat in the conversation.  We both know I practically wore out her washer, dryer and ears listening over such a span of time. 

I hope I've given Lori as much support as she's provided me over the years. It's been a good run, and I must say thanks, my friend!


If there is someone who deserves to hear how special they are, why not tell her today? 

Thanks, my friend! (December 8)

10,000 styles ago - <3 this pic

You have to really trust the person who cuts your hair. It's easier when she is a friend of yours, though. No way would she chance screwing it up and have to deal with your whining. I met such a woman through our mutual friend.  I ought to thank her sometime for introducing us, but I never seem to get around to things like that.  


My friend, Susan, used to do my hair.  She is so much more than simply a stylist ... she is a self-made woman, a single mom, a hard worker, and such a sweet person.  

Becoming a new business owner is her latest triumph. Susan is motivated by her beautiful daughters, who I know are also inspired by her. Her example will show them how a person can get through life by having a positive attitude and a loving spirit.  If there was ever a woman who exudes perseverance, it is Sue.  
My trips "back home" are accentuated by visits with her, otherwise I miss her smiling face. I've been impressed with her ability to carry on toward positivism, especially in the last few tough years.  Susan loves life and shows it every day.  We should all follow her lead!  I wish her all the luck she deserves with her salon and in her life.  

Once poor Susan made the mistake of calling me when I was deep in the throes of postpartum craziness.  She "talked me down" and supplied me with the support I needed at that moment.  Every now and then when I'm bummed out, I get a little message on Facebook along the lines of "I miss you, Katy," and it cheers me up.  So it's obvious from who ... it's Sue.  For that and much more, I say, "Thanks, my friend!"

Tell a friend you love her.  She deserves to hear it!

Thanks, my friend! (Nov. 21)

There's a page on FB called "It's All About Women," and a post there yesterday made me think of my friend meme.  They asked "Who was your favorite teacher in school? Did you ever tell them they were your favorite?"

I guess I never did.  It's funny, though, because I was discussing this subject twice in the last few weeks. One of my favorite instructors was a woman named Kim Allen, and her Communication classes interested me enough to choose that area as my undergraduate major. It would be cool to be able to tell her that some time. The most wonderful professor of all, Dr. Carol Koehler, was highlighted in this meme before, and before her death I was able to tell her how much she meant to me.  

Some high school friends and I had recently talked about the subject, too.  We mainly discussed teachers we really couldn't stand.  Those not-so-inspirational ones don't count (you know I'm talking to you, Mrs. Eilers ... fire me from the 5th grade bookstore, damn you).

So this week I want to recognize my friend, Stephanie, who chose to be a teacher in the public school system now home-schools her own kiddos.  Being a caring mother and teaching you children are probably two of the hardest jobs in the world, nurturing them as people and intellectual human beings.  

Stephanie and I met through her in-laws, whom I have known most of my life.  Her sister-in-law and I grew up together, and her mother-in-law is one of my mentors and friends.  I live further away from their family than I used to, and I miss them all a lot.

She is a woman of great patience and self-control.  How any mom doesn't lose it when her child writes in green marker all the way down the stairway wall is beyond me!  She laughed about it instead of screaming, which is more than I can say of myself, and there are many other times I imagine (and have seen) her doing the same.  Stephanie has great resolve, and she demonstrates how even people who see things differently can still care for one another.  

Her family holiday letter is coming soon, which I thoroughly enjoy, and I remember back to a great Christmastime we all spent at Disney World!  Stephanie is a woman who loves her family deeply and lives and honest with great grace.  Her girls are growing up with a fine example from their mother.  I miss your smile and infectious happiness, Steph.  Here's to you, my friend!  


Everyone should recognize a friend for her great gifts.  Don't wait to tell someone how much they mean to you when you can do so right now!

Thanks, my friend! November 9

This week I wish to pay tribute to another great female I have the pleasure of having in my life. We all deserve at least a little recognition from time to time. So I'm going to pat the back of my friend, Kathleen, who I get to see this weekend.

me, Kathleen & Stacey

My first thought when this woman comes to mind is that she is "a hoot and a half." We've been goofing together since we were in middle school.  By happenstance she moved to our hometown as a pre-teen but fell right into the small-town groove.  There's no end to the laughs when Kathy's around, and she tries to make those gatherings happen as often as possible. A big group of high-school buddies still get together as often as possible -- we're talking 20+ years ago graduation -- and we still enjoy each other's company.  

Even though the miles have grown between us, we can all think back to the gut-busting fun we've had over the years.  Some may criticize it a lot, but I love Facebook for the simple fact that it helps people reminisce and remain friends (most of the time). That's the case with us. We get to IM across two states and discuss our love of different narrative plots. It's great to talk about many off-the-wall books we both love. We're usually always on the same page - pun intended.

Kathy's big spiel was being tossed from the whitewater raft where too many of us were packed like sardines. I'll always remember thinking how we would have to call her mom to report if Kathleen died on those rocks that day. Thanks to that old dude who popped her back in the boat, she's still with us today. Ever teasing as she is, Kathy scoffed and reported she knew what a frog in a blender felt.

Were it happen now, I'd freak out over the possibility of Kathleen's boys being taken from their wonderful mom. She and I both had kids "later" in life but love them even more than if we were young mothers.  I think those guys have a tough act to follow with their big-hearted mom. They all lost Kathleen's parents in the last few years, but I know she keeps the boys' grandparents alive in their minds and hearts. I hope her heart has found peace.    

Being the mediator she is, Kathleen is always keeping us together. We've used golf clubs as microphones and drank beer in the morning on a float trip. Vegas, Denver, Wesport KC, Homecoming parade, or the Macy Gray concert blast in Lawrence, Kathy is always great fun!  Your blithe spirit enriches us all, and for that I say, "Thanks, my friend!"  

Thank a friend of yours, too, because she may not have had anyone say so for awhile ... or ever. We should all appreciate each other more.  

Thanks, my friend! (September 7)

I am compelled to pay it forward lately through my attempt to highlight a strong woman here each week, which has just so happened to be someone I know personally.  We women must support each other, especially in such sketchy times of the persistent war against women in America.  Support and encouragement can only help females demand the equality and recognition they and many feminists before them have worked so hard to earn.    

The women featured in the posts within this meme do not necessarily share my political/spiritual/life views, but all our opinions and feelings are valid.  More importantly, we need to support each other instead of participating the ongoing inner turmoil of our gender.  Doing so only perpetuates the demeaning images of women and minimalization so heavily mediated to young people today.  We must acknowledge each other's worth if we expect and demand the same from society.  If only girls, as well as boys, were shown more ways to respect others and themselves in the process.  But that's another story.

An amazing woman I know has lived an exciting life.  We met while working in the same office at a large university.  My friend, Kristin, was one of the few people who made me feel welcome and confident in that new environment where women weren't so supportive of each other.  It was hard to know whom to trust, and that was only the beginning of my awakening in a big city.  Here was a woman who seemed to have it all together at such a young age.  She had (and has) such a good nature that students, co-workers and generally anyone she met was drawn to her.  With her help, I was able to open my mind to much more than my small-town upbringing had manifested by then.  She and I worked hard to get it all together with each other's urging.

She is now raising two young boys who will no doubt follow their parent's example of a couple who walks what they talk.  They encourage other couples do the same.  I was honored to be in Kristin and Dave's wedding party and have never seen a happier, more beautiful bride than on that day.  She is strong in her faith and lives it every day.  I know a lot of her strength comes from within, though, which I've always admired.

My friend went through a lot on her way to get where she is, and she deserves many kudos.  She speaks her mind but never makes a claim she can't back up.  We've seen each other through some stuff, let me tell ya, but also had lots of fun!  Two lounge chairs at Bicycle Club's pool stand deprived of our deep discussions in the sun there.  I miss living near Kristin and getting to spend time with her.  We could always stir up some drama if there was none to be had.  I'm just mad she's disabled her Facebook profile with pictures to steal for this post!  But she might also be mad if I scanned the old one of us as Brady sisters ... oh, Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.

Through these weekly posts I encourage women to recognize someone important in their life by acknowledging her worth and letting her know how you feel.  It can mean a lot to say just a little.  I want to "walk my talk," too.  With that, I say thanks to Kristin who I love like a sister and whose friendship I treasure.  
 

Thanks, my friend! (August 30)

At the urging of the formidable forces at missrepresentationorg, I've been posting a weekly tribute to a woman who has had an impact in my life and/or generally deserves recognition for all her endearing qualities.  The least women can do to support each other is to give one another some kudos from time to time.  Anyone reading these posts are also introduced to some pretty damn cool people.  

Funny, I have several friends who are so nice I've never heard them say an unkind word about anyone (or at least only in jest).  Funny because I'm the sarcastic one who unashamedly talks smack on a pretty regular basis.  Someone who never does is my friend Karen.  She's one of those perpetually smiley people who's always looking at the bright side of things and people.  I was lucky enough to meet her soon after moving out on my own and invite myself along with her friends on many an adventure, along with a few mis-adventures.  Those are the most pleasurable to remember, btw.

taking my boy on his first seado ride

Most of our pictures together are at Lake of the Ozarks, where Karen and her sisters own a cottage that has accomodated a multitude of friends, their kids, their kids' friends, etc., etc.  My fondest memories are of fun times at the lake.  I would never have tried to slalom water ski if it wasn't for Karen and her sister.  Coincidentally, many flashbacks are of Karen trying to keep the rest of in line, as she seemed to have the most level head (and that's scary).  We can always look back and laugh about most incidents.  Even the craziest episodes are funny after the fact.  

We've traveled together to Memphis, Chicago, Las Vegas, San Antonio, and gone canoeing with a group of whacky women.  Karen is always the one laughing softly at the antics but never at the expense of anyone else being such a light-hearted and kind person.  She graciously hosted my baby shower with my friend, Amy.  Karen is generous with her time, volunteers in her community, and is involved in her son's activities.  

Even though we've all tried repeatedly to convince her there's a great guy out there for her, she's perfectly content by herself.  That's the strong confidence many women should aspire to have.  Karen is comfortable in her own skin, is friendly and welcoming, and takes care of what needs to be done.  Her self-deprecating humor is also a great asset, and we can all learn a lesson or two from her example.  So for all the good times and your comradeship, I thank you, my friend!

Those interested can take their own "pledge" to discern how women are represented in the media.  Part of the challenge is to pay homage to each other in an effort to contradict the negative images and cruel criticism amongst ourselves.  We are more than our looks, age, clothes, children and careers.  My personal pledge is to: 

"... make a concerted effort to see women as allies instead of enemies; and let's stop judging other women for their success, their talents or their looks" (MissRepresentation).

Thanks, my friend! (August 17)

Through my reminiscing on friendships lately, I'm pleased to recollect how many cool classmates I remain in contact with from college. Maybe it's not an astounding feat for most folks, but I was a part-time student in my 30s while working full-time at the university. We didn't live on campus to interact in the typical ways of first-time freshman, but we made the best of our time there. The handful of quality people from undergrad who remain in my life today bring back many good memories of those days. The internet makes it possible for us to stay in touch now.

Those friends are scattered across the world, including California, Colorado and Korea. One good girlfriend moved to North Carolina a few years back, and I miss her greatly!  Shelley is a compassionate and kind-hearted soul who makes friends easily with her outgoing nature. Her professional life has been spent mostly in non-profit entities where serving people is her business. We not only had classes together but got to know each other better and become friends.  We also saw each other progress into our respective work worlds. 

Shelley's professional life changed directions with her move to Charlotte, where I know she loves living. It's closer to her family, and her devotion to them glows through her pictures online. She met a guy who makes her happy, and I am glad for them. Steve found a great partner! 

Social media is the medium I get to experience her life through now, for which I am grateful. I miss her laugh and the fun times we had in Kansas City, but I'm glad we can at least stay in touch long distance. I hope she knows how much I appreciated her introducing me to people and inviting me along with her friends. Shelley is a strong, remarkable woman, and I miss her charming tendency to call someone a "doll."  I hope our paths cross again one day.

Distance is yet another reason we should all tell our friends how much we love them. Do it today!  You'll be glad you did. 

Thanks, my friend! (July 19)

Once again, better late than never. I'm trying to keep my little meme going to recognize at least one amazing woman on a weekly basis. Women supporting each other is a big deal to me, as everyone deserves a small pat on the back from time to time. Some more than others. That's the least we can do for one another.

A commonly used sexist comment I've heard over many years in the work world is that women bosses are much harder to work for than men. I don't agree, and one reason why is having worked for my friend and former supervisor, Ruthie. She was a mentor to me and one of the most even keel, diplomatic managers with whom I have had the pleasure to work.  

It's no matter how long she and I go between conversations, we simply pick up where we left off the last one. It's not often enough, though.  Ruthie is an amazing person with the patience of a saint. There are two extraordinary girls in Toronto who are growing into bright, beautiful young women, for which I'm sure she deserves most of the credit. Ruthie leads by great example, with grace and tolerance. She had my back at a time I needed it in life, which I appreciated very much.    

Career is important to her, as evident in her work ethic and love of broadcasting. If you want to know what's going on in the world, ask this news junkie. No task is too intimidating for her, and Ruthie leads her crew to their greatest potential. I miss being in a remote truck with her, but I miss her more on a personal level. 

Almost every time I put my sunglasses on top of my head or tell someone to "back off," I think of my friend. I never heard the word "ratbag" before I met her but now use it on a regular basis. She had such courage to move so far away to the States on a new adventure in her life, but she is back where she loves to be, and I'm glad for her. It makes me smile to see Ruthie's gorgeous face in travel pictures (like the stolen one shown above) and know how much she is relishing life. She deserves all the best!  

Tell someone in your life just how important they are. Use this picture, too, if you, like. It only takes a minute and could bring them joy. We all need some of that!

    

Thanks, my friend! June 27

Back in 1989, I was somewhat freshly out of high school and moved to a new town.  It was only relatively larger than my hometown, but everyone there was a stranger.  My job was a new beginning and the next chapter in my timeline to semi-maturity.  There I met great woman, Dena, to whom I wish to express my appreciation this week.  

Dena was my first friend in that new life and everyone I met there was a few degrees of separation from her.  We have remained friends all these years, and I've recently gotten to celebrate an upcoming milestone with her.  As her impending nuptials approach, I wish her well in seeking her "happily ever after."  She deserves it.

This mother of five provides a wonderful example of loyalty and drive to her children.  She has always held a job and remained involved during the many school functions, sporting events, church activities, social gatherings and ultimate graduations of her young brood.  This Fall all but one of the kids will be in college at the same time, with the exception of one starting in her education practicum.  How many parents can boast those statistics?

Dena works full-time and then some.  She holds a regular job and is also the marketing director for an American Professional Football League team, the Mid-MO Outlaws "on the side."  The dance team is lucky to have her as their coach, too.  She is well-known, respected and well-liked in all her professional affiliations. 

This woman has a multitude of friends who would surely tell you some of the same things I am -- how she is funny, loving, supportive and determined.  It has been a heavy year for her family, with the death of her children's father, and she is the rock upon which they stand.  

She looks out for her friends and builds you up when you need it.  Dena is my partner in crime and travel/B&B companion, one who shares my snark, and I am proud to call her my homey.  Bill's one lucky dude.  

Raising a glass to you, my friend!

It only takes a second to tell someone how much they mean to you, and we all enjoy a little appreciation from time to time.  I encourage you to do the same for a strong woman in your life.

Thanks, my friend! (June 13)

In the spirit of supporting each other as women and citizens of the universe, I accidentally on purpose started what I hope to continue as a weekly a meme.  The great people at MissRepresentation.org encourage us to recognize other women for their special qualities.
    
This week I want to put my sister, Christy, in the spotlight.  She is the person who taught me to read, and she continues to be a source of learning and great inspiration.  Christy worked hard to put herself through the University of Missouri while employed part- and full-time.  She then moved to St. Louis and eventually made her way to California.  
It was her life-long dream to live by the ocean, as she could not settle for living in the Midwest.  Some people are just not meant to suffer through cold winters.  She has lived in her CA haven for almost 30 years now.  We drove half-way across the United States to get her there back in the early '90s. That was quite a ride!  
Working her regular multitude of jobs, Christy has continued to teach fitness classes, do massage, and aid in physical therapy.  I think she found her life's calling in physical wellness.  She is also an experienced cat-care expert and has done feral cat rescue for several years.  The feline world has a heroine in her, too.  
As if caring for others isn't enough, she has the somewhat  double-edged distinction of being a cancer survivor.  Christy's diagnosis was a defining moment for our family.  I will never take health for granted, and thank the universe for every day she is on this earth to share her life with us.  She fought through surgery, chemotherapy and recovery without the bitterness and cynicism most of us would profess to the world.
It gave me gave pause to think of my sister grinding through her spin classes while I mentally whined about my simple step aerobics.  I often chided myself that, "Christy can teach spin, and I can't get through this?"  She is an inspiration of strength and determination.  
Many adventures and much laughter mark our past (my 21st birthday, Tiki island, canoe trips, a head full of seagull poop, et al), and I look forward to a wild array of more together.  Christy is a powerful force to behold.  I salute my sistah and thank her for being one of my biggest supporters and a great friend!  


Please share your feelings for an important woman in your life.  Use the little "here's to you" image at the top of this page if you'd like.  It only takes a second to tell someone how important they are.

Us v. Them

I am baffled by the in-fighting between women.  It seems no matter where you go it's always there,  a party, a new job, the swimming pool.  A lot of women, maybe not all, put other women under such a critical microscope.  There is an unrelenting competition going on here.  
As much as I try not to participate, I catch myself in negatively divisive thought.  "Oh, look at her! Such a young, beautiful woman with such an awful tattoo."  Or, "Dang ... she's too old to be wearing that!"  It's her business, not mine.  I make assumptions based on first impressions way too much.  People may make similar pre-judgments of me, too, which isn't fair.  And such over-emphasis placed on looks and youth.  So superficial.     
MissRepresentation encourages us:

"For the next week, let's all make a concerted effort to see women as allies instead of enemies; and let's stop judging other women for their success, their talents or their looks."

The newsletter suggests the "assumption of scarcity and the feeling that there isn't enough room for all of us" is the impetus of such competitive judgement.  There seems to be some unnatural criticism that I can't fully understand, almost as if we're pitting against one another for ubiquitous attention from an unknown force.  Is it innate?  I hope not.  It seems we are cultured to be catty, and we have to end the vicious circle with our own self-realization to stop acting this way.  

Instead, I'd like to hope there are many more women like Marina Keegan, a young Yale writer, who tragically lost her life just days after graduation.  Her last essay, The Opposite of Lonely, has gone viral since her untimely death.  She said, "We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.

Such positivity!  Her wonderful attitude and hope scream from the page.  She had such great plans for her future.  Regardless of a grim job outlook for new college grads in sketchy economic times.  I think she spoke to the universal human experience, one where we must help sustain each other.  

This kind of unity and support is what I wish was viral.  People uplifting each other with great expectations for themselves and humankind.  Young women reaching out to other young women to seek out the positive aspects within their time on earth and not hatefully compete with each other.  May we all have tomorrows to do so.