Thanks, my friend! (Sept. 27)

There is an over-abundance of wonderful women in my life, and I'm so lucky to be able to make that claim. Those of us who have lots of friends are rich indeed! I'd like to recognize my friend, Joan, as I was able to recently catch up with her and realize how very much I miss seeing her on a regular basis.

Joan always has a kind word to offer. She is one of those rare people who always asks about the other person first and listens with great interest even though she very well could be bored to tears (and deservedly so). She makes a friend feel like their story is the most interesting one in the world, even though it likely isn't!

With so many egocentric people in the world and so few good things think about from the news, it's refreshing to be personally acquainted with "good folk," ones who are simply fun to be around. Joan has a comfortingly hearty laugh and playful attitude. She takes her work seriously but not too much so. It was always a joy to be around her at my previous job, and being in her company could make the worst day better.

She has always made me feel like she was happy to see me, and I hope she knows how much I miss her. I had so much fun talking with her last weekend, and it made my heart soar to watch her face light up to see me. Maybe that was just the beer talking ... lol.

Even though I haven't told her so, this woman is an indomitable force whom I admire on a personal as well as professional level. Her husband and son have a great woman in their life, of which I'm sure they are aware. She, too, is a woman of integrity, and I'm glad she's my friend.

*If you are privileged enough as I am to have women in your life who make it all the better, let them know. Tell them thanks for being your friend. You'll be glad you did.

Thanks, my friend! (June 20)

If you're very lucky, you find people in your life who bring positiveness to those around them. It doesn't matter what life throws Kim, she's like that. One of those give-me-lemons-and-I'll-make-lemonade types. She looks at the good and keeps a smile on her face.

Honesty is one of the strong traits of this beautiful woman. Kim is candid and self-effacing. She doesn't let pride get in the way. I find it very admirable that what you see is what you get with her. Her sense of self is strong enough that she fearlessly puts herself "out there." Her boys must have gleaned some of that strength from her, and she is one proud Mama!
Coming from a small town provides some perks, one of which is being able to easily stay in touch with your old friends through mutual friends. Kim and I have known each other since we were in high school and have only been able to get together a few times since then, but it's pleasure when I get to see her. We always laugh and have fun. I wish she and I were closer, but the distance makes me cherish the chances we have to talk all the better.
It only takes a moment to tell a friend how special she is to you and recognize something great about her. Take the opportunity you have to do it right now! You will be glad you did.

Thanks, my friend! (June 6)

If I were to make a list of memories, a litany of notable events of fun times shared together, with my friend Kim I'd be at it for quite a while. There'd be an empty tissue box beside me when I finished, too, from all the tears shed in laughter and reminiscence. Most all of them involved some craziness worthy of the motto Kimberley created, "Be there or be talked about."
Being there meant fun, especially the look-back-at-crack-up-about-it-later kind of fun. Not all in retrospect either, because we laughed our asses off at the time, too. First, though, I must give credit where it's due. Kim provided me many saving graces during my five years of living in Kansas City, and I don't know what I'd have done without her. She made me so many meals (not only, but very notably, special ones on St. Pat's and New Year's Day), and threw me a party for college graduation. Finishing undergrad was the main reason for moving there, but Kim's house was my home away from home while I was alone and single in the city. She even helped me shoot my first video. Whether or not I left on the lens cap is irrelevant.
Kim and her husband, Gary, opened their doors to me when I had no other family near. I can't count the number of cocktail hours she and I spent on her screened porch and patio or tabulate the neighbors bothered by our nonsensical singing and dancing. Dickie howled in unison as we celebrated life, and little Molly joined us in the later years. Thank the universe we made it home unscathed after many a night out, too, including the most memorable one when a car came through the wall at Mike's Tavern and almost shoved Kim and the table into my lap. She was unflappable, ordering another beer before we were (all) asked to leave when the dust literally settled.
I like to call those my "formative years," my coming of age, that helped me become the person I am today.  They weren't all easy, but my adventures with Kim were a highlight. She helped me assimilate to keeping myself safe in a sometimes unsafe environment where I could no longer take everyone at face value as I had up to that point in my life. Along the way, we watched out for each other and managed to stay out of real trouble. She helped me become a strong and independent woman.
Going to music festivals is one of my very favorite memories -- not just of life in KC but life in general. That's not to mention the time spent at Kim's previous apartment in Sedalia or all the insanity at Karen's lake place. If those cottage walls could talk.

I know several women named Kim, so I fondly refer to Kimberley as Wine-in-a-box Kim. We kept it classy with Franzia. All jokes aside, I treasure the good times we had and hope our lives catch up to make more memories in the future. Thinking back and looking forward -- thanks, my friend!

Thanks, my friend! (May 30)

This post has been a long time coming. The enormity of a relationship in its length and scale is sometimes hard to summarize, as is the case with my friend Lori. I will have to suffice to say we've know each other too long to encapsulate it all here, but it all began at 10 years old. That seems like forever ago.
We've always had the kind of kinship where we know how to slide back into each other's acquaintance no matter how long an absence has been. Our lives are much different now, and those changes have us in own new places, but I still feel close to Lori. 

No one else probably knows as much about my family stuff, and maybe vice versa for her. Down the line we've eaten whole frozen chocolate pies together, gotten in trouble with our dads (like that was hard), been young and dumb enough to appropriate porn, learned the words to entire albums, drove every inch of Marshall in the biggest Lincoln on the planet, skirted around the whims of the most OCD person there ever was, and gotten/given a lifetime of free haircuts. The deal was that I'd take her along as my personal stylist when I became a famous producer, and I'm so sorry that will never happen now. lol

This history goes from the early years of finding ourselves to having families of our own.  Lori is a loving mom whose children (and spouse) are very lucky to have her.  It's been great being along on that ride with her, too.  Being a part of Lori's life meant I gained a surrogate family, too, whose love has been so appreciated in mine.

It's too bad the miles keep us apart now.  After all this time, though, I still feel like I can walk into Lori's kitchen anytime and open the fridge for tea without us missing a beat in the conversation.  We both know I practically wore out her washer, dryer and ears listening over such a span of time. 

I hope I've given Lori as much support as she's provided me over the years. It's been a good run, and I must say thanks, my friend!


If there is someone who deserves to hear how special they are, why not tell her today? 

Thanks, my friend! (May 16)

Over a year ago MissRepresentation.org inspired me to embark on an effort to actively support other females, as we can sometimes be overlooked in the compliment department. I try to do so in this blog each week. In part, feminism should be about women building each other up verbally instead of tearing each other apart like we so unfortunately see every day. So began "Thanks, my friend!"  

This week's post is a bit different than ones past, because it goes out to someone I don't know on a personal level. Only being acquainted with this young woman on a professional level won't keep me from recognizing her valiance, of which I've been privileged to witness over the last year or so. Amy is caring and compassionate, and she's shown a beautiful bravery in her husband's fight against cancer for over a year now.  

We've only spoken perhaps once, but Amy's Facebook updates on her family's struggle have spoken to my heart many times. I want to commend her for her gracious spirit in such a difficult chapter of their lives, and I want to thank her for reminding each person who reads the "status" on their page how very fortunate we are to have our health and to have each other.  

Thank you for so poignantly pointing out what life is all about ... the love we share with people who are important to us and make life worth living. I want to recognize you for showing everyone  that we should enjoy every day and run, jump, laugh, dance and smile every chance our bodies allow us to do so. May you find peace and continue to smile yourself.  

We don't know each other well, but thanks, my friend!  

We who have family and friends are SO very lucky. Tell someone how fortunate you are to have them in your life today! 

Thanks, my friend! (May 10)

Some people get such joy out of life that it's contagious to be around them. I mean that in the most positive way possible, because a genuinely positive attitude can be a rare find anymore. We could definitely use more of it in the world.

I miss seeing my friend, Diana, because she exudes that kind of happiness. A group of crazy women used to get together every few months for dinner, and I haven't been able to enjoy them since my son was a little baby five plus years ago. Those special times become a delicacy when they don't get to happen on a regular basis.
Friendships like that are precious. The pace of life can create a gulf in such bonds, when family and work take precedent out of necessity. Luckily, though, there are people on whom I can count to always be there. All it would take is a quick phone call to get Diana out with us, just name the time and place! She is always ready for some girl talk and fun.
I don't ever want to take my friends for granted, because I'm lucky to have them. Diana is caring, ambitious and a bundle of energy. Besides having a truly sunny personality, she's driven. Few adults choose to better themselves through higher education once their own children are grown. She went back to school and finished her degree while working full-time. Only a very purposeful person is willing to do that and still find time for everything else in a busy life. I'm so proud of her for it.
Diana loves being a mother and grandmother. Her granddaughter is likely one spoiled little gem! A gigantic smile would no doubt spread across her face if I asked her about it.  
So many great women don't receive the praise they deserve, and I'd like to pour it on Diana in case she doesn't hear it enough. She's an inspiration, and I miss her dearly. So ... here ya go, woman. Thanks, my friend!

It only takes a tiny moment of your life to tell somebody how special they are to you, so do it. Now!

Thanks, my friend! (April 12)

I have great memories of summer church camp when I was young, even though they are few.  It was some of the best times I remember ever having.  There were four of kids at home, so I was more than happy to get away for a few days - go under the radar, fade into the background.  Camp usually came with the bonus of new friends, too, and the fun of seeing friends made the summer before.

That's how I got to know my sweet, sweet friend, Jeanice.  She was the hot one in our cabin who always had first pick at the cute boys!  :)  She is a beautiful woman who is as "down to earth" as any gorgeous woman can be.  Jeanice and I used to visit each other in high school, even though we lived in neighboring town that were kind of rivals in a juvenile sort of way.  I'm lucky to have known her all these many years.  

It's amazing how many women I know who are so nice, especially as one of the first ways I'd describe them, and she is definitely one of those people.  

She and I haven't actually seen each other in person for a few years now.  But by the grace of Facebook, as I've mentioned before, we can still stay in touch.  It's not the miles so much but life that gets in the way.  People grow up and move in different directions.  We're within driving distance, though, and I'd love to spend time with her again some day.

Jeanice has raised a great bunch of kids, and she works hard for her family.  She still has a few children at home, and I get to see them all mature through pics online.  I so wish we'd been able to have our families be closer.  

I hope Jeanice knows how much she means to me, and I want to say, "Thanks, my friend!"  It's so important to me to have positive women in my life, and you are definitely a gem!

  

Thanks, my friend(s)! March 28

How about going for a two-fer this week? BOGO is big in advertising, and I love a buy-one-get-one deal! There's no competition here. I just don't want to feel like I've placed one person's importance any higher than that of another, and I'd have some similar things to say about both of them.

I met them together, after all, when I was welcomed into a group of wonderfully supportive and hilarious women that make up my book club. Rhonda and Shelli both make me lol every time I see them. They are both warm and generous friends who I am so glad to have been introduced to when moving here four years ago. They could've asked, "Who's this ... why should we assume she'll fit in?" Let's face it, it's a roll of the dice where we live.  But I followed Alexis in to infiltrate her group of friends whether they liked it or not!

Those women went on her word that we're like-minded people, and I'm so glad to have been included into a clowder of very cool cats whom I've grown to love so much. Shelli and Rhonda continually show their gigantic hearts in all they do, and I love laughing when I'm around them so much that my cheekbones literally hurt from the workout. These women are both so smart and help educate the vast public in their jobs every day. If only a little of their wisdom (and humming musical talent) wears off on me in their presence, too! Can't wait for our annual summer outing, ladies!

I try to say "thanks" to a friend as often as I can, mostly in appreciate of how rich my life is because of the wonderful women I've had the honor to meet in my time on the planet. In light of our connection, I took today's goodreads quote of the day for them:

Why did you do all this for me?' he asked. 'I don't deserve it. I've never done anything for you.' 'You have been my friend,' replied Charlotte. 'That in itself is a tremendous thing. E.B. White

Unapologetic Women

The saying has been attributed to different people. "Well behaved women rarely make history."  I love it. Some people hate it. Regardless, it's very apropos. I read a post online today about female celebrities who lead the charge through Twitter. They are encouraging other young people to speak their mind, privately, publicly, through social media, and I hope their points are being heard and considered on a broad scale. So I want to share, at the author's suggestion, 

Who are your favorite female celebrities who make no apologies?   

Caitlin Moran ‏@caitlinmoran

In my imaginary friendship with Michelle Obama, my nickname for her is "Mo," we tell Barack we're going to do Pilates, then go to the pub.

	P!nk @Pink Hey you! Chicago reviewer salty guy that thinks I fly 2much +have 2 much fun-come back in 10 to 15 yrs- Ill be on the ground more I imagine. 06:03 PM - 10 Mar 13

Jessica Valenti @JessicaValenti I wonder how many protests by young white kids get called "riots." 08:56 PM - 11 Mar 13

Kelly Osbourne @MissKellyO

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” 03:22 PM - 26 Feb 13

Zooey Deschanel @ZooeyDeschanel 

http://www.salon.com/2013/01/04/zooey_deschanel_declares_her_feminism/

I love hearing statements from these women.  Whereas what they have to say a lot of times may not be actual "news," at least their opinions are usually informed and reasonable.  Rock on, ladies!

This post was inspired by a Huffington Post article by Blake Landau.  

Thanks, my friend! (March 8)

There are a few gaps in the procession of this thankfulness theme I've tried to create here. It's not a lack of amazing women in my life but more a matter of me taking time to recognize them. With it being International Women's Day, I'd like to reinvigorate my momentum here.

In doing so, I want to recognize a friend who serves as an almost daily inspiration to me, if not at least on a weekly basis. She's someone who is motivational, supportive and always has something hilarious to say ... but any more I only get to experience it all through Facebook. But I love it anyway. Let's face it, social media keeps us together.

Some people call FB a time suck, others claim to hate it or deny using it. One of my sisters totally denounces it as a terrible thing but then asks me what I hear from this person or that through Facebook. Keeping me in touch with people who I don't otherwise get to see is the number one reason for hanging tough with old Markie Z's love child.

This is a spotlight on my friend, Fran. She always makes me laugh and has the guts to signpost funny stuff that others won't. Fran is very passionate, convicted in her beliefs, and unapologetic in her ways. She's supportive to many people and groups and is willing to help out a friend if there's any way she can. I greatly admire all these qualities in her.

Fran is a lover of life and beauty, sharing little pieces of it with all her Facebook friends. I miss working with her, especially because of her no-nonsense attitude, but I get bits of her warmth through the computer. She welcomed me to the station when I hadn't been there very long and invited me to her wedding anyway. Ken got a helluva woman, and I think he knows and greatly appreciates that fact. She is awesome, and I want to say thanks, my friend!

Celebrate International Women's Day by telling a friend how much you love and appreciate her. Spare just a few minutes to let her know how important she is to the world.

Thanks, my friend! (Feb. 14)

Here's the way I think the story went.  My friend Lisa went on a student exchange trip to France when she was young. She and her fellow travelers had shirts made with something French-ish on the back. We did that stuff in the '80s. I had some sweatpants with my name across the ass, but anyway...

Lisa chose to have "wee wee" on hers, for the affirmative "yes" statement -- maybe it was the only French phrase she learned. From there, though, her later-in-life-boyfriend called her PeeWee. Then he called her Herman, as in PeeWee Herman. She has since been called Herman for 20+ plus years. As you can tell, this poor woman has the soul of a saint! And she's married to him now. He would probably tell the story differently, but that could take several hours.

Having "Brother Friend" is part of the package friendship deal, but that's okay! These two are super fun to hang out with, and you never know what's going to happen at their lake house, one of my favorites places to go in the summer. Regardless of everyone's busy schedules, they welcome us with open arms. We've all had countless good times there, and the antics now include our kids. My son and their youngest daughter were once "lost" in the woods, but Lisa kept me calm until they returned -- wielding sticks to fight off "bad guys."

She's one of those great moms who never shows up empty-handed. I can't imagine her girls' school classroom parties. Their family came to welcome my son into the world with a big teddy bear, and she has since given him a ball or other gift almost every time we've seen each other. The dolphin book is especially treasured. Lisa went of town when we used to work together and brought me souvenirs for simply watering her plants. I still wear a scarf she once gave me, in all its timeless style.

Lisa does the cool handmade Christmas cards with her girls' picture on it, no jenky Santa cards, and is forever the organizer of our get togethers. It must be great to have that endless energy. She spends a lost of it on her daughters and husband, too.

I envy Lisa's sweet demeanor. Her concern can help someone open up about something they might have not otherwise. This subtly fits her kind heart and quiet composure. We try to live it up, though, as much as we can. Karen brings a box of beer and Dena offers up some Sangria, and we all raise a glass to lament the "other" Karen's absence from our group. Most of the time we just laugh until we cry in happiness. A text message always follows inquiring about everyone's safety. I cherish the time spent with these women, and thank Lisa for her friendship over the years.

Take a minute to tell a friend how she is special in your life.  How apropos for Valentine's Day to do it right now! Never take it for granted that there's another chance to tell someone you love them. It's so easy to say, "Thanks, my friend!"

Thanks, my friend! (Jan. 31)

Serendipity? I don't know if I believe in it. Coincidence? I'll call it that. And an unhappy coincidence last week when pondering a friend to thank in my (semi) weekly "Thanks my friend!"  
My friend, Kathy, came to mind when I replied to a FB status on a scrapbook magazine page asking who I would most want to scrapbook with me. She and I used to do so when we lived nearer each other, and I have yet to meet anyone who wants to do the same where we live now. It's crazy, because I gave Kathy so much crap about being a scrapbooker until she sucked me into the hobby! Karma from those remarks led me to spend countless income at Michael's. 

We're also good friends outside of "cropping." I miss working with Kathy, who was the first one to reach out to me in that environment, and loved our lunch-time errands and conversation. Lunch at her mom's house is now a bittersweet memory, too.

Kathy's mother died unexpectedly last week, the same day I'd been thinking about her and posted the FB reply about getting crafty, even though we hadn't talked in a few months. A mutual friend gave me the news about Kathy's mom, Joyce, that same night. It was just odd that I hadn't thought about giving Kathy a call for awhile, but I still don't believe it when people say, "I just had a feeling something was going to happen..." That's stupid and unreal. A weird coincidence nonetheless. 

One thing I always say about Kathy is she has more common sense than anyone else I know. She worked on a farm almost her entire life and could mend a fence, bake and decorate the hell out of a cake, and get one kid to a ball game while she's on the way to get another to a 4-H meeting -- practically all at the same time! Kathy is the only person I know who actually cleans her house every Saturday, and I mean EVERY Saturday. This woman is a dynamo -- a mom of four kids who has enough love and energy to go around for all of them.  

I don't remember ever seeing Kathy in a bad mood. Maybe justifiably perturbed at something, but not in a long-lasting pissy sort of way. And I don't think she'd show it if she was. She has grace under pressure and has always been a pure joy to me. I hope she knows that, so I want to tell her "thanks, my friend!" 


Think of someone you love but haven't told that lately. Tell them ... now!

Thanks, my friend! (January 18)

People think I remember weird stuff, trivia if you will, and maybe I do. There are lots of cool reasons to watch the credits roll on a movie, such as random actor or director names that I will remember for no other reason than to amuse myself with that nonsense knowledge some day. I used to recall license plates of family members and friends so I knew from far away if it was them approaching me. That's back when I could see further distances and lived in a small enough town that we passed each other on the road a lot.

So many other things are more important to bring to mind.  I unabashedly boast that I'm the "calendar" to reference birthdays that help my family members remember to send a card or give the person a call. Then there are just some details that jump out in my mind for one reason or another.  So it surprises me that last week I forgot the significance of the day I last posted a thank you like this.  Mnemonic devices help me with doing so.

That's why January 11 usually sticks out in my mind.  My dear friend, Karen, lost her battle to cancer on that day in 2007.  Just six years ago but seems like forever.  It's the length of my son's life.  It feels like much longer since I've seen or talked to her.

She and I worked together in my first so-called real job after high school. Her unique demeanor was one that led me to first think she'd be very prim and proper, which she was to a certain extent, but there was a clever smart aleck hiding beneath that facade.  Karen was nowhere near as sarcastic as some in our travelling group (like me and Dena), but she'd catch us off guard with a zinger now and then.

The five of us took several extended weekend trips together.  San Antonio, Memphis, Chicago twice, an overnight b&b in bfe Kansas.  Some of the funnest times I remember, especially struggling with our shopping bags whipping straight out behind us in gale-force Chitown winds.  We spent a lot of time site seeing but even more shopping and having cocktails!  Oh, geez, the stuff, the stuff Karen would buy for her kids, her generosity overwhelming!  I think Karen brought extra bags simply to schlep it all home on the plane.

Those kids were her world. She was an older mom, like I eventually became, having her children in her late 30s. She doted on them like crazy, because she was lucky enough to find the love of her life to have and raise those kids with her. I hope she can see Keith and Caitlin growing up the fine adults they are becoming.  Karen and Randy gave them some incredible brain power, ambition and some damn fine looks as well.

I was very pregnant back in late December '06 on into January '07.  We had Lamaz class at the local hospital where Karen was admitted in her declining health.  She didn't get to actually ever see my son, but she sort of met him when I felt a kick and placed her hand on my stomach for her to feel it.  I am not a super touchy-feely foofoo type of person, even while pregnant, but that seemed right at the time.  Now it's a bittersweet memory for me.

January 11 reminds me every year, 1/11, how sad it is to be without Karen.  I can't even imagine how her family feels.  Karen helped care for her aunt and ailing parents in the "twilight" of their lives. She gave her parents a home next to her own as her father watched Karen's mom succumb to dementia.  Her beautiful home was full of love, and I hope it is not empty without her.

A crazy grin appears on my face when I think back to sombreros and big margaritas in TX, laughing our asses off at the tarmac blackout in TN, going through Dunkin Donuts drive-thru in a limousine en route to catch a glimpse of O Studios, and how sweet it was of her and Randy to help me remove a plastic price tag from my cat's mouth one morning before work.  I don't want to get all sappy and cry thinking of her struggle with that unfathomable pain of the wretched disease she fought so bravely and with never a complaint.  It's happier to think of her opening the door wide to welcome us into her fabulously decorated house at Christmastime, where almost every surface inch was covered in the glow of soft light from windows of every little decorative structure in a winter village.

Life hands us different opportunities through work, activities, being at the right place at the right time, etc.  I'm still not extra foofy about showing or admitting feelings, but I was so fortunate to have the universe put my friend Karen in my life when it did.  I miss her support and friendship, her warm smile and laughter and blow a kiss out to her in thanks.


Tell a friend how much she means to you.  She may not know, or she could just use some kind words spoken about her.  Do it now instead of wishing you did so when you no longer can.

Thanks, my friend! January 11

If you're lucky, inspiration seeps through Facebook. It can sometimes put a smile on your face and a plan in your mind even if you don't have the source near to give you the good vibes. That's the case with my now online friend and former yoga instructor, Meg, who moved away and left me in metaphorical tears by doing so.
Some of my yogic calm went with her, but she left a legacy I can still  conjure up from time to time.
Meg left a strong impression with her personality's ever present positivity. Her example keeps me striving to be mindfully at peace and in the moment. During yoga, my otherwise-should-be-blank mind goes back to her coaxing to concentrate on your breathing and heed only your own practice, no one else's. Her instruction spoiled me on future yoga instructors, left me wanting in comparison to Meg's classes.
This woman is a hugely talented writer as well whose humor jumps from the screen when I have the happy occasion to find something new of hers online. The creative fictional pieces make me literally lol, which is so fun in otherwise spirit-sucking days of mundane activity or bad-news bombardment. I want to share the wealth, so try some for yourself at The Nervous Breakdown. I promise you'll be glad you did.
Her more personal posts reveal a strong mother, a woman whose life experiences were character building, an anti-crazymaker. Humble honesty is apparent through her words. You get the gist of what she's all about from any of her postings.
Meg seems a master in rolling with the punches. Her generous spirit is palpable, and she shares with anyone lucky enough to be around her. Our loss in the Midwest is the gain of her new-ish west coast friends. You can imagine he truth of that statement simply from her Twitter bio:
Health Coach. Author of Salad Alchemy. Writer of other things. Curator of beautiful. In service to you.
Meg's website intimates her many qualities. She has a blithe spirit who left a great impression on me. I hope to always remember her serene example. Thanks, woman - carry on!

It's important to take a few minutes to tell someone how important they are to you. Tell a friend you love her -- do it now!

Thanks, my friend! (January 4)

Twenty-five years ago I was invited along on a family trip to Florida by a group of wonderful people who aren't my family of origin. My ticket was meant for a then son-in-law-to-be, and I was more than happy to take his place. Living in the Midwest makes a person jump at the chance to visit the Sunshine State in December. Of course, it was the first December in forever that had a frozen orange crop there, but I digress.

Seriously, who would take someone outside of their own children on an expensive family vacation like that? My friend, Lori, and I had know each other since middle school, so her family eventually became kind of an extension of my family. Her mother, Esther, and Lori treated me like one of their own and took me along.

Esther became a friend and supporting mentor to me. She was there for me when I moved to a bigger city in my 20's. She lived in one of the suburbs and offered her home as my second home during those years. It was different becoming a friend of my friend's mom, but in this case it was a good kind of different.

We had several similarities in our backgrounds, chief among them dealing with fatal illness in family members and surviving alcoholic households. Esther gave me a positive perspective on reaching the other side of those situations, coming out on the winning end of otherwise very trying circumstances. She helped me learn that "normal" is only the setting on a clothes dryer, and it's okay to be who you are where you're at in life as long as you learn from it and grow.

Esther gave me opportunities to do things I wouldn't otherwise have been able to do as a poor college student. She took me to dinners, plays and to see other strong women like Marianne Williamson and Mary Tyler Moore. Those were experiences I would have never been imagine otherwise. Esther also provided great emotional support and her companionship when I was at a lonelier time in my life.

A mentor is someone who will help you no matter how many times you call and bug them. Esther took my call at work regardless of how many times she was asked to help with one or another car issue of mine. She did so for several other young women than me, too. I was at many family birthday celebrations with mine being near her son's and granddaughter's. They didn't have to invite me, but they did.

Sometime later, Lori and Esther drove an incredibly long way to be at my wedding, and they were ecstatic at the birth of my son and lavished us with gifts. They are crazy about their own families and inclusive of sharing that joy. There's no end to the helping hand Esther extends to any one of us when needed.

She's a great mother, grandmother, and friend. Esther is intelligent, has a great sense of humor and fun, is strong in her faith, and bends over backward to help others. I miss not seeing and talking to her. There are so many people who don't have the luck I've had to know and learn from someone like her, and for that I say thank you!

I want to extend this weekly tribute and encourage other women to take a minute to tell a friend how much you appreciate her. She deserves to hear it!

Thanks, my friend! (December 14)

Let's get this party started!
from The New Yorker

A pop of the wine cork brought the meeting to order, as Kay banged on the garage door to assure the resident possum stayed out for the night. Members generously filled their plates and topped off their glasses as they sat down for their monthly gathering.

Kay presented the agenda for the evening, and welcomed everyone into her home as their host. "Here, here! It's time to get started. We have a book to talk about, but first there are jokes to tell and unfamiliar sexual euphemisms to learn." Kay's strong demeanor demanded the attention of the group, and the members didn't dare speak over her witticisms.

 The women inevitably strayed off topic, not only at the misdirection of their hostess, but with the rhythm of their cross-over discussions as it was usually wan to do. Conversation wrapped its way around the usual circuitous route, glossing over work weirdness, crotch picking, stranded boats, wanton cleavage exposure, and haunted nurses in crisp uniforms creeping through the darkness. Somehow redirecting the commentary back to the purpose of this discourse, Kay regained control of the scattered interaction and insisted someone say something about the book. Otherwise the night will have been lost in a diatribe of fun and frivolity.

If nothing else, they had to at least pick a book for next month regardless of whether they'd actually discuss it when the time came. Alexis suggested Shelli be kept from nominating the upcoming read (hers hadn't gone over so well this time). Rhonda insisted that Alexis was only flexing her non-threatening muscle. She didn't work at TLC so who was she trying to convince she had the power of influence here? 

 After all mental notes were stored inside of that big bean called Kay's brain, they'd be recapitulated via email later. Bottles of beer were left to drink -- there was a hidden stash out in the garage the possum hadn't gotten to yet, and it was all hers. She'd have it gone by the time she and her mom made the next Arkansas horse race. Those ponies weren't waiting to bet on themselves.

 Kim giggled so hard she cried through squinted eyelids, and Shelli got so tickled she peed herself. Kim had lasted through a long day of policing the bathrooms at B-wood, and now Shelli had leaked all over Kay's nice clean floor. She would not be held responsible for someone else's leak and made a motion that Shelli try bladder training methods before they meet again. Alexis seconded the motion, and the vote was five for and one opposed.  Sorry, Shelli, mandatory kegels.

Rhonda brought a sense of stability back to their clacht -- she was the meanie of the bunch, scared of snakes or not, who insisted they stick with the agenda. The rules must be followed. Katy just sat back and laughed at them all, having infiltrated the funniest bunch of bookish broads she'd ever met.

Kay relinquished any semblance of group unity and wished the women well on their way. She promised to distribute notes to the feeble-minded few who missed any details or definitions. The last "kwish" of a beer can pop tab resonated with their departure. 'Til next time -- meeting adjourned. 

The glue holding the evening together was Kay. She was the one who leaves everyone in stitches with her self-deprecating yet completely confident humor. As the group's beloved scribe, she keeps the official record of their one night per 30 when everything else recedes to concentrate on biblio-biofeedback among friends. 

A casual observer is left to imagine Kay's same passion for her children and grandchild -- how she must lavish them with her love and generous attention. Her wisdom and temperance serve as a fine example to them and others. Her tenacity and beautiful spirit do much the same for her friends. They know and love her spirit.  

Kay is a wonderful attribute to the Book Sluts, and I've never enjoyed anyone else's sharp commentary on life more than hers. For that and much more, I want to say, "Thanks, my friend!"

Thanks, my friend! (December 8)

10,000 styles ago - <3 this pic

You have to really trust the person who cuts your hair. It's easier when she is a friend of yours, though. No way would she chance screwing it up and have to deal with your whining. I met such a woman through our mutual friend.  I ought to thank her sometime for introducing us, but I never seem to get around to things like that.  


My friend, Susan, used to do my hair.  She is so much more than simply a stylist ... she is a self-made woman, a single mom, a hard worker, and such a sweet person.  

Becoming a new business owner is her latest triumph. Susan is motivated by her beautiful daughters, who I know are also inspired by her. Her example will show them how a person can get through life by having a positive attitude and a loving spirit.  If there was ever a woman who exudes perseverance, it is Sue.  
My trips "back home" are accentuated by visits with her, otherwise I miss her smiling face. I've been impressed with her ability to carry on toward positivism, especially in the last few tough years.  Susan loves life and shows it every day.  We should all follow her lead!  I wish her all the luck she deserves with her salon and in her life.  

Once poor Susan made the mistake of calling me when I was deep in the throes of postpartum craziness.  She "talked me down" and supplied me with the support I needed at that moment.  Every now and then when I'm bummed out, I get a little message on Facebook along the lines of "I miss you, Katy," and it cheers me up.  So it's obvious from who ... it's Sue.  For that and much more, I say, "Thanks, my friend!"

Tell a friend you love her.  She deserves to hear it!

Thanks, my friend! (Nov. 21)

There's a page on FB called "It's All About Women," and a post there yesterday made me think of my friend meme.  They asked "Who was your favorite teacher in school? Did you ever tell them they were your favorite?"

I guess I never did.  It's funny, though, because I was discussing this subject twice in the last few weeks. One of my favorite instructors was a woman named Kim Allen, and her Communication classes interested me enough to choose that area as my undergraduate major. It would be cool to be able to tell her that some time. The most wonderful professor of all, Dr. Carol Koehler, was highlighted in this meme before, and before her death I was able to tell her how much she meant to me.  

Some high school friends and I had recently talked about the subject, too.  We mainly discussed teachers we really couldn't stand.  Those not-so-inspirational ones don't count (you know I'm talking to you, Mrs. Eilers ... fire me from the 5th grade bookstore, damn you).

So this week I want to recognize my friend, Stephanie, who chose to be a teacher in the public school system now home-schools her own kiddos.  Being a caring mother and teaching you children are probably two of the hardest jobs in the world, nurturing them as people and intellectual human beings.  

Stephanie and I met through her in-laws, whom I have known most of my life.  Her sister-in-law and I grew up together, and her mother-in-law is one of my mentors and friends.  I live further away from their family than I used to, and I miss them all a lot.

She is a woman of great patience and self-control.  How any mom doesn't lose it when her child writes in green marker all the way down the stairway wall is beyond me!  She laughed about it instead of screaming, which is more than I can say of myself, and there are many other times I imagine (and have seen) her doing the same.  Stephanie has great resolve, and she demonstrates how even people who see things differently can still care for one another.  

Her family holiday letter is coming soon, which I thoroughly enjoy, and I remember back to a great Christmastime we all spent at Disney World!  Stephanie is a woman who loves her family deeply and lives and honest with great grace.  Her girls are growing up with a fine example from their mother.  I miss your smile and infectious happiness, Steph.  Here's to you, my friend!  


Everyone should recognize a friend for her great gifts.  Don't wait to tell someone how much they mean to you when you can do so right now!

The bravest feminist

It's humbling to consider the distinction of the bravest feminist title to belong to a 14-year old girl. Young Malala Yousafzai has made the ultimate sacrifice for her courage, too, as she was almost fatally wounded by terrorists last week. She lives in Pakistan without the luxury of "freedom of speech" we Americans take for granted.  Her had a price on her head for speaking up in a resounding voice about equality for herself and her peers. 

The vile and disgusting assailants were not quite successful, though. I hope this teenager lives to resonate her message throughout the universe via the internet. The message is threatening, and extremists must be scared to bring on this brazen attack. Malala's story has reached a wide-spread audience and invoked a stronger resolve to prevent such sadistic actions in the future. Women AND men (i.e., Malala's father) will strive to balance the gender power structures of the world, as females earn and inherently deserve mutual respect and access to education. An educated girl grows to be an informed and outspoken woman who won't be controlled. Hence, the struggle to dominate such strong individuals.   

Misdirected martyrs must want to send a message of their own, but it only serves to prove their depravity and disregard for human life. Such religious fanaticism and its desperate acts are piteous. If there is any justice in the world, may their creator administer just punishment. We can pray to our own gods to exact that divine balance. 

No, I don't understand the culture. I don't want to know what makes minds like theirs tick in an extremist culture of hatred and putrefaction. 

This young woman's face "like a flower" lives on, and she is reveled as a fresh leader of the international feminist movement. Her example will continue to be one of compassion, much like my beloved President Obama. Women across the globe aspire to Malala Yousafzai's sense of equality and purpose. We can all learn from her selfless and valiant activism for the good of global citizens.