The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest III

This post is part of August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman blogfest. She suggested writing an encouraging letter to your least favorite body part. Her blog and other entries can be found at http://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com.  

not me

Dearest Loathsome Midsection of Mine,

You crept up on me so stealthily that I hardly recognize you. I can’t say that I like you very much, if the truth be told, but I’m sure you really don’t care. You’ve changed, and I don’t like the transformation. Years ago, you were practically unnoticeable when I unveiled you in only a bikini top, cut-offs and flip flops during summertime and wasn’t embarrassed. Perhaps that was simply adolescent naivete of someone fooling herself.

So many things in my life are different now. Age and slower metabolism is taking its toll. Bad habits have ingrained themselves, no matter how innocuous they seemed at first. Yes - I know I need to give up sugar, pasta and Diet Coke. Bagels are not kind to me. Chocolate is not my friend, regardless of how good it tastes at that moment.

Don’t even talk to me about the gym, damn you!

You honestly deserve some credit. You held my baby while his body and mind developed, while my “advanced maternal age,” as they called it, did me no favors. My son was nestled safely within my body while he waited to face the world, and his is the greatest gift of my life.  

While I owe you thanks for accomplishing that herculean task, I’m still fighting against you. A metamorphosis took place after the doctor performed a c-section and later a hysterectomy. It’s not his fault, though, because hormone changes (or the absence thereof) necessitate lifestyle changes. Knowing that now doesn’t make me fit in clothes any more comfortably until I do more about it. I need to be healthy enough to see as much of my son’s life as possible.

That’s why I go to yoga class even when I don’t feel like it. I glare at you in the mirrored wall while I try to stifle all the negative self-talk going on in my head. Giving you the stink eye does no good. It’s funny how I feel so much better afterward, although my brain played tricks on me and said I could skip a day because I was too tired or had something else to do. Becoming even more active could bring about the weight loss I want.

Ultimately, the way you look is not the sum total of who I am. You are a part of my physical self but not who I am as a person, a woman, a mother. My family and friends see the real me, not just the size 6 I used to be or the size 10-going-on-12 I am now. My stomach, waist and hips do not determine my beauty or my worth.

How I live and how I love are what make me beautiful. So I’ll continue to try to convince myself of that fact and not suffer over days long gone. Funny, I don’t remember if I was happier back when I looked different. I can only worry about being happy now, and you can’t keep me from it.

Sincerely,

Me

P.S. I just ate a fun-size Butterfinger and loved every second of it. 

  

(image via collectivewizdom.com)

August encourages us all to share our thoughts on beauty, and comments are welcome below. How do you define beauty? What makes you feel beautiful? Any thoughts to share on this year’s fest overall?

Malala Yousafzai - Time magazine

"She has become perhaps the world’s most admired children’s-rights advocate, all the more powerful for being a child herself. Her primary cause — securing Pakistani girls’ access to education — has served to highlight broader concerns: the health and safety of the developing world’s children, women’s rights and the fight against extremism." 
- TIME magazine on Malala Yousafzai, the first runner-up in their "Person of the Year" issue. (via MissRepresentation.org)


This incredible young woman has been mentioned before on this blog, and she has been named the first runner-up in Time magazine's "Person of the Year 2012" issue, behind only U.S. President Barack Obama. Her brave example shines as a beacon for every young woman today, and her experience is a lesson for all people about equal rights and humane behavior. She was targeted to serve as an example of hatred and tyranny but lives on despite those terrorist attempts to destroy all the admirable qualities she embodies.

Miss Yousafzai is an amazing testament to the power of one person to have great influence regardless of the person's age. May she have a full recovery and a safe continuation of her life!

Why does this have to happen?

Why is feminism so often considered a dirty word?  I rather proudly attest to being a feminist.  Nebulous as the term can be, I believe anyone can call themselves a feminist if they feel women deserve more than being treated like a doormat.  It's that simple.  And this perspective is certainly not limited to women. There are many male feminists who will shout it loud and proud.

Images of perfection get in the way, though.  We are all socialized to think of women first in how they look.  Prescribing how a "perfect" woman looks makes women become a commodity, like their worth is ascribed to their appearance.  It is as if females are something to be owned, praised or berated, owned, "less than."

credit hollywood.com

So why is it that in the year 2012 we are still seeing the objection of females so prevalent in entertainment and advertising?  To this day, women are looked upon and treated as property.  They are portrayed as products, not people.  Not individuals with brains, goals, individual personalities, and earning potential.  

Most television shows, popular movies, and waaaay too many advertisements feature women's bodies or stereotypes of them as their fodder. (i.e. google Bedchel test) They get the slutty part, the stupid part, the victim, the character who never speaks, or they aren't there at all.  Looking totally perfect seems to be the most important thing about them.  It's everywhere!  I am most disgusted to see these impossible images directed at young girls.  The pressure has reached such epidemic proportions it even delves into the cartoon world.  This article about Minnie proves the point.  

What the hell, people?!  It's not bad enough to see size-2 to size-6 women are the supposed norm in real life.  Now it's freakin' Minnie Mouse?  I knew Olive Oyl must have been anorexic, but I thought that was somehow attributed to how she was carried around by Popeye and Bluto, and they couldn't have really been that strong (even in a cartoonish way).  I've ranted before about Disney princesses, but Walt's little rodents have gone to the dark side as well.  Sickening.  

If calling myself a feminist can be attributed to one thing, it may be these stereotypes.  And don't even get me started on the misogynists who hate feminists and send out their internet trolls to patrol them.

Young girls and boys need someone to tell them these images are messed up .. they're not right, they're not real, and that's not the way it should be.  For them to grow up and be treated equally, as they deserve, they are the ones to grow their perspectives, evolve, take up for each other instead of break each other down, and fight to change their own futures. 

blogging style

Far be it for me to get formal. I recently read how blogs are basically meant to be informal. You bet, or I'd probably not be here.

In a post "What is a Blog?" the author proposed, 

For many bloggers, it’s a form of thinking out loud, of trying out ideas that may later develop into more thoroughly researched columns or articles. Blogging represents a unique opportunity to put one’s thoughts out there, even if–maybe especially if–they’re not fully developed, in order to see what kind of response they get and uncover glaring weaknesses. A fellow blogger once described one of my posts as a “riff,” which I think is an apt metaphor because it gets at what I see as the true nature of blogging: popular rather than classical, improvisational rather than meticulously planned, spontaneous rather than deeply considered.  

This quote from Rob Jenkins, columnist for The Chronicle of Higher Education online, who more or less warns you must be able to back up your argument in presenting it. He judges the quality of a blog with the amount of interactivity that stems from it. Tall order?   

Another academic, Julie White, responded to Jenkins' post by speaking of the "art" involved in blogging. She reiterates a previous blog comment comparing blogs to graffiti, defining graffiti, 

"a form of self-expression, often in an unlikely or illicit location, intended to provoke a reaction. One person’s vandalism may be another’s public art."

While my blog may not generate a lot of meaningful conversations, it is an attempt to elicit some bit of response. Other bloggers from across the States have commented here, and some have viewed from other countries. How could they possibly find worthwhile information from the likes of Katy Did Not?  Informal, yes -- supporting a proposed argument, maybe not so much. Maybe more like expressing a fact. Feminism is, to me, a fact. And I'm glad to promote the mutual respect for and support of great women.  
 
Somewhere in the back of my memory, I recall blogs taking off when deployed military service members were logging their overseas activities online. Perhaps it dates back to the first Gulf War, as my google search showed it starting to become active in '04. What a great way to keep from telling your friends and family the same thing over and over in separate emails, especially from half way across the world.

Denis Bocquet via Flickr by Creative Commons

My tiny following, or even the number of people who inadvertently stumble upon this blog, will never reach great numbers. There are so many things I want to say anyway, especially about women's rights and young girls gaining the confidence to be a formidable force in their future. It's also about women supporting each other. There's enough defiance from the patriarchy as it is. To me, these are plain facts. This blog is about just that ... my repetition of belief in feminism without sending out emails about it over and over again!

I definitely feel like I'm creating the only kind of graffiti I can, my canvas the internet, and my inscription the words.  

Thanks, my friend! (September 7)

I am compelled to pay it forward lately through my attempt to highlight a strong woman here each week, which has just so happened to be someone I know personally.  We women must support each other, especially in such sketchy times of the persistent war against women in America.  Support and encouragement can only help females demand the equality and recognition they and many feminists before them have worked so hard to earn.    

The women featured in the posts within this meme do not necessarily share my political/spiritual/life views, but all our opinions and feelings are valid.  More importantly, we need to support each other instead of participating the ongoing inner turmoil of our gender.  Doing so only perpetuates the demeaning images of women and minimalization so heavily mediated to young people today.  We must acknowledge each other's worth if we expect and demand the same from society.  If only girls, as well as boys, were shown more ways to respect others and themselves in the process.  But that's another story.

An amazing woman I know has lived an exciting life.  We met while working in the same office at a large university.  My friend, Kristin, was one of the few people who made me feel welcome and confident in that new environment where women weren't so supportive of each other.  It was hard to know whom to trust, and that was only the beginning of my awakening in a big city.  Here was a woman who seemed to have it all together at such a young age.  She had (and has) such a good nature that students, co-workers and generally anyone she met was drawn to her.  With her help, I was able to open my mind to much more than my small-town upbringing had manifested by then.  She and I worked hard to get it all together with each other's urging.

She is now raising two young boys who will no doubt follow their parent's example of a couple who walks what they talk.  They encourage other couples do the same.  I was honored to be in Kristin and Dave's wedding party and have never seen a happier, more beautiful bride than on that day.  She is strong in her faith and lives it every day.  I know a lot of her strength comes from within, though, which I've always admired.

My friend went through a lot on her way to get where she is, and she deserves many kudos.  She speaks her mind but never makes a claim she can't back up.  We've seen each other through some stuff, let me tell ya, but also had lots of fun!  Two lounge chairs at Bicycle Club's pool stand deprived of our deep discussions in the sun there.  I miss living near Kristin and getting to spend time with her.  We could always stir up some drama if there was none to be had.  I'm just mad she's disabled her Facebook profile with pictures to steal for this post!  But she might also be mad if I scanned the old one of us as Brady sisters ... oh, Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.

Through these weekly posts I encourage women to recognize someone important in their life by acknowledging her worth and letting her know how you feel.  It can mean a lot to say just a little.  I want to "walk my talk," too.  With that, I say thanks to Kristin who I love like a sister and whose friendship I treasure.  
 

Your best you

The Weekly Action Alert from Jennifer Siebel Newsom at MissRepresentation.org brings a suggestion to examine yourself and what areas of your life you wish to improve.  She writes, 

"Jot down a list of the people who you look up to in your personal life and why you admire them. Think about how they might be able to help - or are already helping - you move forward towards your best self.
You might be surprised to find so much inspiration already present in your life!"

She's so right! There are women all around us who serve as a positive influence in other people's lives, and I'll go on record as claiming they probably don't get near the recognition they should.  I can think of a handful of friends or colleagues off the top of my head who I feel have great personal aspects or work ethics that I aspire to embody myself.

I hope to keep "paying it forward" by telling these wonderful women exactly how I feel about them in a spirit of gratitude and humility.  Reflecting back on times when I received a compliment, it's heart-warming to think of their kind words and how much they meant to me at the time.  All of us have a crappy day and could sure use a kind word in our moment of pissyness (if that's a word).  

Take it upon  yourself to follow Siebel Newsom's lead.  Think about what women in your life teach you or provide by their own example.  Are they a natural-born leader or a quiet thinker who acts deliberately?  How have they helped you on a professional or personal level?  If you can't incorporate those attributes yourself, you can at least tell the person how much their actions/words/sentiments mean to you.  It only takes a second to make someone else feel good.


That being said, I also want to acknowledge how wonderful it is to live in a privileged country where women are free to support each other.  The Western world is so fortunate to experience the freedoms we have with repercussions served (for the most part) for sexual harassment and assault.  There are too many women in other countries who are NOT afforded the same respect and treatment as we expect in America.  

Thanks, my friend! (June 13)

In the spirit of supporting each other as women and citizens of the universe, I accidentally on purpose started what I hope to continue as a weekly a meme.  The great people at MissRepresentation.org encourage us to recognize other women for their special qualities.
    
This week I want to put my sister, Christy, in the spotlight.  She is the person who taught me to read, and she continues to be a source of learning and great inspiration.  Christy worked hard to put herself through the University of Missouri while employed part- and full-time.  She then moved to St. Louis and eventually made her way to California.  
It was her life-long dream to live by the ocean, as she could not settle for living in the Midwest.  Some people are just not meant to suffer through cold winters.  She has lived in her CA haven for almost 30 years now.  We drove half-way across the United States to get her there back in the early '90s. That was quite a ride!  
Working her regular multitude of jobs, Christy has continued to teach fitness classes, do massage, and aid in physical therapy.  I think she found her life's calling in physical wellness.  She is also an experienced cat-care expert and has done feral cat rescue for several years.  The feline world has a heroine in her, too.  
As if caring for others isn't enough, she has the somewhat  double-edged distinction of being a cancer survivor.  Christy's diagnosis was a defining moment for our family.  I will never take health for granted, and thank the universe for every day she is on this earth to share her life with us.  She fought through surgery, chemotherapy and recovery without the bitterness and cynicism most of us would profess to the world.
It gave me gave pause to think of my sister grinding through her spin classes while I mentally whined about my simple step aerobics.  I often chided myself that, "Christy can teach spin, and I can't get through this?"  She is an inspiration of strength and determination.  
Many adventures and much laughter mark our past (my 21st birthday, Tiki island, canoe trips, a head full of seagull poop, et al), and I look forward to a wild array of more together.  Christy is a powerful force to behold.  I salute my sistah and thank her for being one of my biggest supporters and a great friend!  


Please share your feelings for an important woman in your life.  Use the little "here's to you" image at the top of this page if you'd like.  It only takes a second to tell someone how important they are.

Thanks, my friend! (June 6)

In the spirit of MissRepresentation's urge for mutual support, I want to heed the suggestion to reject thoughts of criticism and judgment against each other, 

"... and instead celebrate the fact that we are all in this together - that one woman's success is a success for all of us"

A lot of women deserve acknowledgement of their accomplishments and rarely, if ever, receive it.  Many of us struggle to work a full-time job, care for our families and households while still making time for a life of our own.  It is usually the personal part which suffers while everything and everyone else fares better with our support.  Why don't we recognize each other's unique qualities on a regular basis?  

There might not be a partner, co-worker or boss who will otherwise praise one of our friends.  Only a spare moment is necessary to do so, just a minuscule effort on our part.  It can serve to encourage her to carry on the good work, give her the pat on the back she deserves, boost her self-esteem, or simply make her day.

In that light, I want to celebrate a wonderful woman from my life with whom I have become re-acquainted in the last few years.  My friend, Lanea, is a sharp, hilarious woman who I don't get to see often enough.  We were friends all through school in our mutual hometown but lost contact over the last several years.  Thanks to live class reunions and continuous ones through Facebook and the blogosphere, we have gotten to catch up with each others' lives. 

Lanea is creative, talented (see http://reciperecords.webs.com/), and generously encourages her friends.  I've been lucky enough to relish her supportive words.  She is one of the most fun-loving women I know who has a knack for making others feel special.  Every time somebody asks a question about popular music, I think, "Lanea would know the answer to that."  She's a proud mom who I'm sure showers her kids and husband with lots of nurturing love.  

I was so happy to find other praises for Lanea online at Evansville Living.  

Like the great people at MissRepresentation.org suggest, we can:

"... make a concerted effort to see women as allies instead of enemies; and let's stop judging other women for their success, their talents or their looks"

We are all successful in one way or another, and it's nice to hear someone point it out in a positive manner.  It takes so little effort to help someone know how special they are and just how important they are to other people in this journey through life.  I encourage anyone who reads this post to do the same.  

Us v. Them

I am baffled by the in-fighting between women.  It seems no matter where you go it's always there,  a party, a new job, the swimming pool.  A lot of women, maybe not all, put other women under such a critical microscope.  There is an unrelenting competition going on here.  
As much as I try not to participate, I catch myself in negatively divisive thought.  "Oh, look at her! Such a young, beautiful woman with such an awful tattoo."  Or, "Dang ... she's too old to be wearing that!"  It's her business, not mine.  I make assumptions based on first impressions way too much.  People may make similar pre-judgments of me, too, which isn't fair.  And such over-emphasis placed on looks and youth.  So superficial.     
MissRepresentation encourages us:

"For the next week, let's all make a concerted effort to see women as allies instead of enemies; and let's stop judging other women for their success, their talents or their looks."

The newsletter suggests the "assumption of scarcity and the feeling that there isn't enough room for all of us" is the impetus of such competitive judgement.  There seems to be some unnatural criticism that I can't fully understand, almost as if we're pitting against one another for ubiquitous attention from an unknown force.  Is it innate?  I hope not.  It seems we are cultured to be catty, and we have to end the vicious circle with our own self-realization to stop acting this way.  

Instead, I'd like to hope there are many more women like Marina Keegan, a young Yale writer, who tragically lost her life just days after graduation.  Her last essay, The Opposite of Lonely, has gone viral since her untimely death.  She said, "We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.

Such positivity!  Her wonderful attitude and hope scream from the page.  She had such great plans for her future.  Regardless of a grim job outlook for new college grads in sketchy economic times.  I think she spoke to the universal human experience, one where we must help sustain each other.  

This kind of unity and support is what I wish was viral.  People uplifting each other with great expectations for themselves and humankind.  Young women reaching out to other young women to seek out the positive aspects within their time on earth and not hatefully compete with each other.  May we all have tomorrows to do so.  

television nostalgia reborn

I just love Zooey Daschanel's New Girl on Fox, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.  It's like going back to the days of Friends, without Monica's whining and all the marriage obsession.  This new set of friends is hilarious, dishing out some of the funniest scenes I've seen on television since I don't know when.  And I don't even like cute.  Jess's version of cute is excusable in my opinion.  It's more of a doe-eyed innocent way of looking at the world in an "aw shucks" way that I typically abhore.  


The show is smart, funny and doesn't make fun of females in general, only Jess specifically for her goofiness.  And the fun poked at her is done in a laughing-with-you type of manner.  I wish I had the glass-half-full attitude where I could sing a solution to every sticky situation!  While at first it seemed like she was socially awkward the guys had to save her, I think the show has moved on to show her saving them from their own (mostly drunken) idiocy.  Hence the douchebag jar.  It is, to me, a very human portrayal of a group of friends who embody  characteristics ... good and bad ... of modern young adults for whom you can cheer as good people who help each other.

New Girl 


An early but great feminist critique is at Broad Recognition.

It's so discouraging to see so many modern sit-coms go the way of covert misogyny.  Even my favorite, Big Bang Theory, teeters on the edge of too many anti-women jokes.  Especially via Howard.  He's just smarmy enough to get away with it, though, through his obvious enrapture of Bernadette.  I just wish they didn't have to "dumb down" the intelligence of Bernadette and Amy Farrah-Fowler by drawing them as flighty and a stoic, horny quasi-lesbian, respectively.  It's almost as if they can't just be smart versus Penny's supposed lack of smarts without flawing them some other way.  Not that either personification is actually flawed, just fixed as less than desirable by males.  It just pisses me off, because Big Bang otherwise makes me lol every time I watch.  No matter how many times I've already seen each episode.  I counted during a recent TBS re-run (lol'ed 10 times).  


Most of my viewing habits have gone the way of Modern Family, which was so progressive and wonderful in its infancy.  The female characters are all dependent on male "bread-winners" and fall into stereotypical roles of either the dingy sex-pot, demanding shrew, slutty girl or smart girl.  The males are pigeon-holed into either the blundering dad, his doofus son, an overbearing caregiver patriarch, or patent gay stereotypes for the male same-sex couple.  Manny is the zinger-lined saving grace for the show.


I've said it before, and I'll spew it again ... it's because of women-hating writers like Lee Ahronson.  I honestly believe, in my own conspiratorial paranoia, that he sits around with other Two & a Half Men creative team a$$h@le members who come up with this crap and try to hide it within the dialogue.  "Let's make Claire Dunfy just as cloying as Debra Barone but still cute enough to be lovable."  I didn't want to stop watching Modern Family but made myself boycott it.  Once again, it's one of my little personal protests that nobody notices except me.  I need to feel a sense of doing something to refuse being complicit.  


What we see is what we accept as okay and ignore if we don't make ourselves discrimination what we're watching.  I hate to see so many women who write, "Get over it, you uptight feminists" about things like this and the stupid fascination with utter shite like Shades of Grey.  That's another rant for another day, but it helps make my point.  Women thinking objectification, submission to male dominance, and misogyny's subterfuge of prime time sit-coms are okay is part of the patriarchal system that keep us back in the days before suffrage and the first wave.  We sit idly by and slam each other for what we consider the "other" to be doing wrong.  And there's no easy answer.  Unfortunately, I'm not here to offer miracles.


I choose personal action and turn the channel, turn off the television, or not buy the book when I see it happening.  And I don't do that when I watch New Girl.  So thanks, Liz Meriwether!

Twitter party - media representation of women

Jennifer Siebel Newsom, CEO and Founder of MissRepresentation.org, has been quite an inspiration to me lately.  It seems I'd never post if it weren't for MissRep.  At the very least, her writing has inspired several of my blog posts here.  Her latest call to action includes:

Coupled with the recent news that the Kardashian family's reality TV show has been renewed for another three years, I am especially worried about the message the media is sending my daughter, my son and their generation. Who are their role models? Why are we rewarding reality TV's exploitation of women's bodies? Are looks, for women, more important than their brains or their talents? Is hyper-sexualization and self-objectification now a legitimate path to success in America?
These aren't rhetorical questions, but part of a real conversation we want to have with you - because each of us plays a role in healing our culture. Next Tuesday, at 4 PM PST, we're calling a Twitter party with hashtag #WhyKardashians to get to the root of America's increasing fascination with superficiality and the objectification of women in popular media. 

I keep going back to #TheConversation.  The conversation springs from the unrealistic images of perfection purported throughout the media.  We should, instead, consider what we can do to better value ourselves.  Our culture has been permeated with a distorted way of showing women and girls. I'm glad there are people fighting for an "international action-oriented conversation" around these issues.  I had begun to type our "American" culture, but the misrepresentation of perfect expectation is an international phenomenon and not specific to the U.S.  The status quo is not limited to American movies, television, books and advertising throughout all those venues.

My young life was spent with a slump-shouldered gait and an androgynous mousy brown pixie haircut that got me mistaken for a long-haired boy in our class.  Mother was always telling me to stand up straight, and I kept my posture the way it was just to spite her.  Our "measure of perfection" at the time was Charlie's Angels, a latter-day fictional Kardashians. 

If boys were going to kiss you during the moonlight skate, you had to look as angelic as possible to gain their interest.  Needless to say, I wanted to instead fade into the background.  Even if my mom wasn't telling me to stand up straight to necessarily boost my self-confidence, much less get me my first adolescent kiss at the roller rink, I wish I had heeded her coaxing anyway.  Not to gain the boys' attention, but simply to help me project a better self-image than I had back then.

Women now witness an even more overt push toward perfection by the current size two to four females in the media.  Charlie's newer angels were even updated a few years back to a politically correct modern-day troupe and later another (failed) television show.  


Young women apparently have to embody that kind of flawless figure and magazine cover made-up face to be attractive enough to draw positive male attention.  Realizing it is currently the look-at-me generation, girls are trying more than ever to get anyone and everyone to look at them.  Are they hoping to mirror the K sisters or some other cookie-cutter pattern?

I hope they choose to stand up straight for themselves and not for the gaze of others.

Represent!

A thought-provoking newsletter comes out from MissRepresentation.org every week inviting readers to not only speak up but also take action for the rights of women. We must keep struggling for the sake of the girls and young women who are only learning these inevitable truths in their own lives.  As their mentors, women need to question all the misleading images of girls and women rampant in all forms of media.   


I try to keep the ideas at the forefront of my mind and incorporate positive actions into my every day life.  It's difficult to keep #TheConversation (Ashley Judd's article) going, even though I vow to myself that I will help the young women around me realize they are feminists regardless of whether or not they self-identifying as such.  


Women who have public voices and followings, such as Jessica Valenti and Naomi Wolf, can reach a vast audience via social media or various public appearances. Fortunately, there are many other informed women and men who are also online discussing important subjects like the Violence Against Women Act (VAMA).


While I have nowhere near that reach, I can keep the conversation going among my peers, students and other young people I meet or already know.


From the MissRepresentation.org newsletter: 

It's an opportunity to not only challenge the media's limiting labels, but to question how we value ourselves and the women around us. 

Another great blog entry about why feminism matters is at Fem2.0, which would give many people food for thought if they'd dare read it.  I linked to it through a post on another blog I follow(Anything But Beige). Take the @RepresentPledge today at www.missrepresentation.org!  

Taking action

The author of the latest MissRepresentation newsletter reminds us:

"We all have a responsibility to help one another overcome limiting labels and transform our culture at large. Together, through MissRepresentation.org, we are doing the daily work to build a more inclusive and supportive community for the next generation. And we can't stop now!  Let's use the energy and attention around women's value in America to grow and propel the campaign forward. Invite everyone you know to take the pledge at missrepresentation.org, and keep us updated on how you are making things better in your local community!"

My own tiny voice may be limited to this blog, but I feel like it's a small way to reach out to other people.  Our united voices may have the volume needed, and the MissRepresentation project and its activities are a great vehicle to make that happen.  
While I may not have a voice that reaches the masses, I can seek to encourage every young woman I know to look at MissRep or whoneedsfeminism.tumblr.com.  There are so many females who are feminists and don't realize it.  It is not a negative sense of being, and it is not shameful or "butch" to call yourself a feminist.  We don't all have gravel voices and a lust for spilling men's blood.
An old favorite quote is:

“I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat."  Rebecca West

Wikipedia authors say Ms. West is an "English author, journalist, literary critic and travel writer" and say she was "committed to feminist and liberal principles and was one of the foremost public intellectuals of the 20th century."  To me, that praise means she cared for people and knew of what she spoke.  


I hope other women with conviction continue to speak up about how society and religion continues to thrive in patriarchy.  Let's cross our fingers people keep speaking against unfair treatment and conditions that bother them.  


Only individuals who show disdain for the horrors inflicted on other people are the ones whom I believe and trust.  It's so disturbing to read daily headlines about women being judged based only on their looks, male politicians making decisions for women about their own bodies, a vast number of men who think women's sole purpose is their sexual dominance and pleasure, and where so many men are arrested for forcing themselves on naive young women or coercing them into pornography or prostitution.  


The first step necessary to stop these atrocities is to declare them WRONG.  We must speak up for the women and children.  We have to join other women and men who also find these things to be WRONG.  Each small voice, wherever it is in this world, adds up to a louder demand for the rights of women and girls in our society.    

Ashley Judd is my new heroine

She's all over the blogosphere and twitterverse in the last few days taking up for women who suffer from unnecessary scrutiny in the media.  Ms. Judd challenged the denigration of women not only by men but from each other, further empowering the patriarchy and disempowering females.  She is quickly becoming a spokesperson for the innumerable women who are pummeled in the press about their looks equating their worth with no mention of their character, humanity or contribution to society.

Judd's response 
Jezebel article
NPR blogs 
Salon.com
This woman is intelligent, eloquent and speaks for us all.  So timely, needed and appropriate.  Let's face it (no pun intended), Ashley Judd kicks ass.  Her comments are re-posted in their entirety at Ashley Judd website.  (and credit to the AP for the photo)


As a side note, I'm so glad to see MissRepresentation getting its due attention.  One such case is at EntertainmentTime.  

"We are our own worst enemy!"

It's not just men who act like misogynist idiots:
Vanity Fair reinforces sexist stereotypes

Why must these women be posed as lily-white angels?  It must be that whole sexist whore/virgin thing.  Is this really where we are stuck in 2012?


And the lower article being captioned, "Play it as girls' night in?"  Come on, these are women!  Mind you, they act like idiotic twits who are willing to trade their dignity for a corset and some fleeting fame.  I can't stand to post the picture here.  


All of them are naked, nearly naked, and are literally in positions to be looked down upon.  Stuck in the pajama party obsession.  Playing right into the part.  You'd think women had just taken their first roles on television.  I shake my head in wonder at why these actors willingly allow themselves to be characterized as fetish objects, objectifying themselves in the process, and being reduced to only bed-ridden objects of lust.  


It just makes me sick.  My effort in writing about it here is futile except to allow me to vent my anger and disgust.  I guess I just expected more out of some of these actors, i.e. Claire Danes.  
Fame and fortune rules the day. 


One blogger is at least making some sense:
Women in TV Vanity Fair and Lee Aronsohn comments

Unbelievable Jackassery

I used to watch "Two and a Half Men," mainly because I thought Sheen was so handsome before he went off the deep end (*blushes in shame*).  There is now more evidence why noone, especially women, should watch that misogynistic show regardless of the actors or any funny one-liners the jerks who write it might summon up from their demonic souls.
Hollywood Reporter article
My blood pressure rushed after reading it.  The author kind of hid the b.s. under a headline about Kutcher returning for a new season.  I was glad to at least see many women of "influence" (celebrities, television writers and comediennes) tweeting about it, some directly to Aronsohn The Asshat, and addressing his misogyny.  My response was initial fear of the influence this hate-monger might have on young viewing audiences, and it made me ask, "Did your Momma really hate you that much, Lee?"
I just can't believe that it's 2012 and American people still spout shite like this in interviews (regardless of viewership standing to suffer - how arrogant).  Hate is so rampant in our world where t.v. writers and politicians pump out their vitriol in a public forum and young men can't even walk down the street without worrying about being shot for "walking while black."  
It haunts me to think of my son's future.  Children his age are growing up in such an insensitive time period where conservatives rage against being politically correct.  To me, it's not about just talking the talk.  How about being normal, considerate human beings with a conscience?  Decorum, grace, forget it.  A tiny bit of empathy will suffice.  
Kids his age will see so much before they reach puberty, much less adulthood. Teens have never experienced a world without the blatant hyper-sexualization of their demographic group throughout the media (ads, magazines, and t.v.).  Even sports programs.  Sure, they should only watch age-appropriate shows, but this crap is invasive.
They're witnessing less and less behavior born of self-respect, and the societal norms are changing, warping.  I'm not talking about social conformity; to the contrary, human compassion can fuel a healthy conscience.  
At the risk of being a total prude, I'm still saying, "look at these kids nowadays."  BUT ... they are learning how to act from adults.  These so-called adults unabashedly proclaim their hatred of women (and self-loathing - yes, you Ann Coulter) through their public protestations and discrimination against and bullying of people of others races, sexual orientations, ethnicities, and religions is perfectly acceptable.  It's gut wrenching.
I'm sure they first hid their dirty little secrets and bigoted behavior within their homes, teaching the children not to talk about these things in school, but then vomited their hate to indoctrinate impressionable young minds behind closed doors. 
It's a slippery slope.  Hate breeding for little future Lee Ahronsons, Roy Bryants/J.W. Milams, George Zimmermans, Rick Santorums, and Charlie Mansons alike.  

Open letter to Rih Rih

Rihanna,

My dear, you are a totally hot mess, not to mention a disappointment to most of your fans.  Well, the female fans with half a brain at least.  Get over #downwithchrisbrown.  Period.  Leave him alone, shed yourself of any connection to him (twitter or otherwise), and move on with your life!  Forget about any business collaboration. Otherwise, I hope your music career stands to suffer.

You've set a poor enough example for all young people who listen to your music.  As if it wasn't bad enough to you wear a mesh shirt in public with no bra, now you're tweeting racist remarks about his next inevitable abuse victim.  Anyone who saw that shirt couldn't help but consider you tacky, tacky, tacky.

Haven't you an iota of self-respect left?  I should have known you must not when I read about you and your friends calling each other the "c" word and thinking it was endearing.  That, and you, are not cute.

Don't play the victim any more.  It's not attractive on you.  Think of all the strong young women for whom you serve as an influence.  How would you feel if she lashed back with a racial epithet, too?

And as much as I thought I liked your latest single, I will not buy the CD.  I don't want my young, impressionable, feminist son to hear music from the self-loathing likes of you.

Signed,
Former Fan

What a bucket full of idiots.

In regards to nail files, such an innocuous object, here's the most sexist thing I've read today:

"Wedding parties: Either for the Bride’s Maids or even as a table gift for every lady present."

Conde Systems Sublimation blog

The company is Conde.  Apparently they have freaking eegits for marketing "gurus."   The blogger (honestly) quotes a customer as saying, "Every woman loves a good nail file and my wife tells me this one is the best. "

Every woman loves a good nail file?  Not particularly.  I'll settle for one of those plain ol' mini-emery boards, thank you.  Does this mean guys don't use them?  If they have jaggy fingernails, maybe they should!  Toward the end, the blogger even recommends, "Consider using these as gifts to your lady clients."

Those lady clients would probably find this comment to be very sexist.  If they only knew.

I find the categorization of "lady gifts" to be a total over-generalization of women based on their "lady parts."  This sales genius basically denotes the vagina as pre-requisite to owning a nail file.  Why doesn't he realize how insulting it is to make this type of generalization?  This is a time when I wish I tweeted so I could gig this company for such a blatantly sexist comment.

True, it's only 1:30 CST, so there's sure to be more misogynistic ignorance penned before day's end.

I hate tiaras!

     Walking through the lobby at work yesterday my eyes caught (to my horror) a pair of middle-aged women on the television wearing tiaras on their heads.  Was this some sort of Disney-induced, walking nightmare?  
     No.  It was apparently an afternoon info-rama called The Doctors, where Dr. Lisa and her interviewee sported matching headgear in an episode called "Menopause Party."  The esteemed t.v. doctor had many "menopause must-haves" in her box (no pun intended), including some hot-flash spray and a tiara.  I was aghast. No kidding, the episode is on their website, Menopause Party. 
     A tiara ... of course!  Right along with my own surgically-induced menopause from an early-in-life hysterectomy, I ran right out and grabbed a freaking tiara for my menopause party. 
     This past the weekend I was nauseated to see that you can make your own tiara from a kit at Hobby Lobby.  If you are self-absorbed enough to want a tiara, for any reason, would you buy a DIY version at Hobby Lobby?  Surely there's one on ebay pretty cheap.
     See, I just don't understand this whole societal princess obsession. The princess fantasy seems to be about being beautiful (in a socially acceptable American way), wearing lush gowns, batting your eyelids, and waiting to be rescued by some only-existing-in-fairy-tales prince.  Guess what, girls? Prince William got married.  Kate Windsor, you are not!  That's the only kind of princess there can be today.  Lil' Harry is too much of a player to get hitched, and you don't have a shot anyway!  It's such a daydream waster to imagine being a celebrity on that level.

     Maybe tiaras are kind of a fun accessory, in a wry bachlorette party sort of way.  The last hurrah of being single thing, you've found your Prince Charming, all that shite.  But how do females get sucked into it in the first place?  I blame it on that damn Disney.  Society feeds little girls such lies of how playing the damsel in distress is how to snag a man.  He'd be lucky to have you, sister, if you'd only believe it.
     The lies are ever present in modern media depictions.  I'm not saying all media is evil.  It's there because we want it.  We want to watch imagined lives to at least momentarily escape our own.  Escapism is why we go to the movies in the first place.  I simply wish adults wouldn't feed into this princess nonsense.  Sure, kids should be able to make believe.  Why not make believe about being a scientist, a musician, or going on a safari instead?  I would have loved to fly an airplane or drive a motorcycle.  Meh ... princesses.  
     So many people watch that god awful Toddlers and Tiaras, too, it's frightening.  Those over-the-top megalomaniac moms who subject their young daughters to this mania at such a young age.  The young ones are living the "look at me" nightmare early on, as if only their looks and shaking their booties are what will get them somewhere in the world.  It sure didn't seem to get their moms anywhere beyond their prom queen pasts and subsequent suburban existences lived vicariously through their children. 
     My last soapbox point here questions the value of these fairy tale fantasies.  According to Bruno Bettleheim (Bettleheim), American psychologist, there are specific uses for enchantment.  He claimed children gain courage by envisioning themselves as heroines or heroes who battle evil and win, thereby overcoming subconscious fears (Enchantment book).  

     But alas, the ways little girls see it, princesses are always saved by their prince.  They lift not a finger in preventing their own demise.  The ultimate goal is, after all, winning his love and that prized crown.  I'd rather see a character like Fiona kicking ass for herself, ala Shrek The Third.  Apparently she even saved the day in Shrek Forever After.  Missed that one.

     On a more somber note, one of my childhood fears was living in poverty.  We were somewhat poor, so I worried more about having enough groceries than having nice clothes, dates and being popular.  I obviously didn't want to remain poor as an adult and knew I had to make sure that didn't happen.  But ... not by marrying a rich man!  I was the only one who could work hard, go to college, and make a wage above the poverty-level so apparent in mid-America.  For myself.  
     No frilly diamond-encrusted crowns and happily-ever-afters can ensure a dreamy future. Little girls shouldn't depend on that happening for them either.  Maybe my worry was a heavy burden for a little girl growing up in the '70s, but Sunday nights spent watching Wonderful World of Disney weren't going to solve any problems facing females in the world.  Neither were Cinderella, Snow White or Sleeping Beauty.

Of course, I always have more to say on the subject

Oh Rihanna, why are you disappointing us so?  A re-mix with #downwithchrisbrown, really?  That's how you spend your birthday, tweeting about this stupidity?


Is that how you want your young female fans to look up to you?  You might just be reinforcing their assumption that it's okay to let an abuser off the hook as long as he is cute, can dance, and throws you a bone of his fame.  They bled it all over twitter after the latest Grammy debacle.  Don't you remember that other one on Grammy's Eve three years ago?  


As comedienne Sarah Colonna has so graciously stated it, (Sarah says) you could give your young audience an explanation. Stress to them it wasn't okay for that scumbag to beat you and walk away unpunished while he basks in all the glory of his celebrity.  


My disappointment obviously doesn't matter to you, but it is ever present any more.  I'm one in a trillion who like your music, and I'm definitely out of your target demographic.  However, I am also one who will reconsider buying any music you create based on your public acceptance of his despicable behavior.  Perhaps there will be many others who will do the same.  


I'd say "step up, girl," but you're not a girl.  You're a woman who should be setting a better example.  I'm so disgusted and hope your younger fans are, too.