Rockblocks: Generation Gap

Rockblocks : Generation Gap:
The holiday season stirs up memories of friends and family. My friend and guest blogger, Katy Brandes, shares a poignant story about a meani...

Thanks, my friend! (January 4)

Twenty-five years ago I was invited along on a family trip to Florida by a group of wonderful people who aren't my family of origin. My ticket was meant for a then son-in-law-to-be, and I was more than happy to take his place. Living in the Midwest makes a person jump at the chance to visit the Sunshine State in December. Of course, it was the first December in forever that had a frozen orange crop there, but I digress.

Seriously, who would take someone outside of their own children on an expensive family vacation like that? My friend, Lori, and I had know each other since middle school, so her family eventually became kind of an extension of my family. Her mother, Esther, and Lori treated me like one of their own and took me along.

Esther became a friend and supporting mentor to me. She was there for me when I moved to a bigger city in my 20's. She lived in one of the suburbs and offered her home as my second home during those years. It was different becoming a friend of my friend's mom, but in this case it was a good kind of different.

We had several similarities in our backgrounds, chief among them dealing with fatal illness in family members and surviving alcoholic households. Esther gave me a positive perspective on reaching the other side of those situations, coming out on the winning end of otherwise very trying circumstances. She helped me learn that "normal" is only the setting on a clothes dryer, and it's okay to be who you are where you're at in life as long as you learn from it and grow.

Esther gave me opportunities to do things I wouldn't otherwise have been able to do as a poor college student. She took me to dinners, plays and to see other strong women like Marianne Williamson and Mary Tyler Moore. Those were experiences I would have never been imagine otherwise. Esther also provided great emotional support and her companionship when I was at a lonelier time in my life.

A mentor is someone who will help you no matter how many times you call and bug them. Esther took my call at work regardless of how many times she was asked to help with one or another car issue of mine. She did so for several other young women than me, too. I was at many family birthday celebrations with mine being near her son's and granddaughter's. They didn't have to invite me, but they did.

Sometime later, Lori and Esther drove an incredibly long way to be at my wedding, and they were ecstatic at the birth of my son and lavished us with gifts. They are crazy about their own families and inclusive of sharing that joy. There's no end to the helping hand Esther extends to any one of us when needed.

She's a great mother, grandmother, and friend. Esther is intelligent, has a great sense of humor and fun, is strong in her faith, and bends over backward to help others. I miss not seeing and talking to her. There are so many people who don't have the luck I've had to know and learn from someone like her, and for that I say thank you!

I want to extend this weekly tribute and encourage other women to take a minute to tell a friend how much you appreciate her. She deserves to hear it!

Thanks, my friend! August 1

photo - UMKC

At the impending start of a new school year, I would like to commemorate a former professor who had a great influence on me.  Even though I've sang her praises in this blog before, my latest University alumni newsletter brought fond memories back in a flush of emotion.  Dr. Carol Koehler was my instructor for an undergraduate class and a grad class, as well as the director of my internships.  She was understanding, supportive, and always there for a pep talk when I taught class as a GTA for one very long semester!

This incredible woman inspired many students under her tutelage.  She encouraged me when I graduated and moved to a small town, offering ideas for seeking contentment in an environment where I otherwise may have floundered creatively.  It was sort of a "blossom where you're planted" but remain humble kind of advice.  I had reached out to Dr. Koehler in the fall last year, updated her on my life changes, and shared my recently self-published novella with her by email.  I thanked her for the attention and guidance she had given me in the past.  As always, her warmth and praise sprang from the screen in her response email, and she asked me to stay in contact.  Little did I know she was undergoing heart surgery the next month, and it ultimately claimed her life.  A student caller seeking alumni donations for an honorary scholarship gave me the shocking news.  I hadn't responded to Carol's last email, and I'm so sorry for my delay.

Dr. Koehler was the type of person who called everybody "kiddo" but in a way that exuded her maternal nature and caring spirit.  She had a great sense of humor and affected the lives of countless people with her generous time and attention.  The messages on her online obituary continue as more people who benefited from her presence are informed of her death and express their heartfelt condolences.

We can all aspire to leave a legacy such as hers.  I learned you don't put off that email or phone call to someone you care for and appreciate.  You may not get another chance.  Each week I try to encourage readers to tell their friends you love them.  Today I want to recognize there are still outstanding people in the world who serve as excellent role models. Tell those people how they help make your life more enjoyable by being in it.

In admiration and reverence of Dr. Carol Koehler, I say to anyone reading this,"l'chaim."  Don't put off telling someone how much they mean to you.  You'll be glad you did.

Mentoring

It's funny how I have always eventually regretted signing up for a listserv. Those announcements get old after awhile. They fill up your inbox and rarely offer interesting or useful news of any sort. But I love getting the Weekly Action Alert from Jennifer Seibel-Newsom and her MissRepresentation.org team. They make you think and perhaps even act.    

Some encouragement from MissRep reads,

"There are many wonderful ways to find a mentee - this week, seek out an opportunity in your community or workplace and make a move to sponsor a woman coming up the ladder! Mentors come from all backgrounds and ages, and no matter where you are in your career, you are in a position to be a guide and resource for those around you." 

So many positive suggestions and relevant reminders come from her "newsletter."  Normally I ignore that type of format, but I'm glad I get these updates. I hope women of all ages are getting these notifications and utilizing the MissRep website and as well. We can all use some support and advice. 

I was fortunate to have positive mentors in my past work experience, women who offered wise words to a young, sometime reluctant and rebellious square peg in a round hole. Fitting into the corporate world isn't always an easy thing to do when you're 18 and can't afford to be in college full-time. I have found my way, fortunately with several wonderful women whose professional lives I could emulate.

We all need a reminder to offer each other help and seek out help if we need it, too. There are young people all around us who can use the same encouragement in the tough work world these days. Even though I may be reluctant to seek out a mentee situation, I can still try to offer positive reinforcement for the young students I meet in day-to-day life. Most of them are likely to openly receive the message that they, too, can find their way. We can help each other get there.       

Thanks, my friend! (July 5)

Although I'm a day late for this meme, it's better late than never.  A fitting "key" light is shown on my long-time friend, Sandy, this week.  She is literally one of the hardest-working women I know who always more than one project going at a time.  Not only does Sandy put in her 40+ work week at her new/old job, there is never a dull moment in her spare time either.  


Sandy is a video producer who has put together a multitude of projects throughout Kansas City.  She helps organizes independent film festivals (wtf ... what the fringe?) as well as exhibiting her own photography at events such as the 1st Friday art walk in the KC Crossroads District.  I'm telling you, this woman never slows down.  Her work is what seems to keep her happy and creatively fulfilled, though.  Thank goodness for Emergen-C!  The arts have played a long-standing role in Sandy's life.  She has built sets for community theater, wrote scripts and shot video for innumerable PBS productions, created corporate video, and basically kept many other professional and personal projects on time and on budget for lots of years.  


One of the traits I admire most about Sandy is her fearlessness for acting on what she wants in life.  She'll find a way to make something happen under any circumstances.  Many an freelance job has paid the way when someone else may have found a nine-to-five the safer way to go.  In one trip cross-country road trip she camped her way to and up the east coast, by herself mind you, and then went further north into Quebec!  Another jaunt took her to Amsterdam and Paris, which I also got to witness through online Kodak sharing at the time.  My music nostalgia obsession was fed with pix from Pierre le Chase (Jim Morrison's tomb) taken just for me.  

gratuitously stolen shot

Last year there was yet another drive out west to visit family, meandering through Kansas, Arizona, New Mexico, California and on up into Montana to see other friends.  I can't imagine braving any of these trips by myself, much less several times, even though I'm sure the solace is great.  She and I went to Toronto a few  years back (pre-baby days) and made stops in Chicago up and back.  A great few days were also spent at Bayfield on Lake Huron with a mutual friend.  It sucks to wait on people to decide on whether to go, so she's just gonna go.  I trust her skills implicitly, even though she drives very fast, which is saying a lot since I hate car trips!  She obviously loves to drive.  Now if I could only talk her into travel blogging ...     


There is no one else who can manage mayhem as well as Sandy.  She is truly the only person I've witnessed help my husband get things together without him taking offense or rejecting the instructions proffered.  She has supplied us a wedding, pregnancy, and little-guy photographic chronograph, for which I am forever grateful.  Her "eye" is spot on, so people respect her judgment and ability, as do I.  There are probably a lot of other people whom she has directed without their giving a second thought as to whether she knows what she's doing.  


Two such beings are her own kids, a young woman and man who also follow their hearts from her past example.  I can't imagine having a cooler mom when I was young.  Her little grand-toddler will feel the same way one day I'm sure.  


It's probably been a tougher couple years since her divorce than we realize, but her friends wouldn't really know since she gracefully tackles that pain.  There are too many new things to do or try (I actually miss bicycling the downtown airport), pictures to take (more drag show heels), and unexplored trails to blaze than to remain static.  Her adventurous spirit is infectious, and I hope we have more roads to travel together.  Even if it's just to meet up for child-free coffee!    


And so ... here's to you, my friend!  



I encourage anyone who reads this post to publicly celebrate a friend of their own.  It's so easy to let her know how much she means to you and others.
  

Life, death, and all that matters

I got a ring last night from a student caller at my alma mater asking for money, as usual.  My first thought was that I had only recently made an alumni donation for the year, so it seemed too soon for another one.  The young woman asked if I remembered a particular professor from the Comm Studies department there.  Of course I do, as she was one of my favorite instructors.  Come to find out, they're creating a scholarship in her name because she died back in December. 


The news struck me.  Dr. Koehler and I had corresponded just back in November, less than four months ago.  I had no idea she had since had open-heart surgery and later died at home.  My email was sent because I wanted her to know what an important influence she had been for me in college and that I had mentioned her in my novella.  She was basically the person referenced with the main character's line, 

Noting some wise words from a former college professor, she tried to remember never to treat anyone there as if she was better than them.  She had sought out the mentor's advice about her apprehension of moving back to small-town life.

There are people in life who ground you.  I needed to hear those words from my own real-life mentor at a time when being humble was necessary.  It makes me wonder if the universe sends people your way specifically, but I'm not a big believer in fate.  Let's call it serendipity or a lucky coincidence.  


Regardless, she said to stay in touch and asked me to send her my address, but I hadn't done that.  My vacation and the holidays were coming up, and I didn't get around to it.  Now I regret it so much.  Never put off doing something that you may not be able to do tomorrow.  While I feel overwhelming grateful to have heard from her in a couple different emails, I am sorry for not staying touch.  It would have been right before her surgery, and now it's too late.   
     
Her obituary mentioned doing a selfless thing for another person in Carol's honor.  A "pay it forward" type of thing was what she would want people to do in her memory.  It was sad to learn so many wonderful things about her from the obit that I wished I had known while she was alive.  She was so insightful, no doubt from her experiences and travels.  There were over a hundred comments just on that condolence site.  I can't imagine knowing that many people, much less having them give online praise like she deservedly received.  


Hers was a life that touched so many people in such outstanding positive ways.  I can't remember reading the word "love" so many times in one place online.  A multitude of expressions of love given and received there.  There are so few truly inspirational people in this world, and we're definitely missing one of them now.  

‎"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss 

(in honor of Dr. Carol M. Koehler, 1938-2011)